Hey al Jokes - page 25

HOW ABOUT THESE SIMPLE JOKES….

HOW ABOUT THESE SIMPLE JOKES…. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him. Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have phones. Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They’re trying to get away from the noise. Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than…

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Vacation in Vegas

Three buddies from the plant take their wives to Las Vegas for a week’s vacation. The guys take in all the strip shows while the wives play in the casinos, and they all have a wonderful time. When they get home, the guys meet in the plant cafeteria for coffee on Monday morning. Jack says “I been up all night. Brenda kept yelling ‘7 come 11’ in her sleep.” “Same here” says Bob. “Nancy was dreaming about blackjack and kept…

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Pregnant Rebetsin

A recently married young Rabbi went to his congregation, informed them of his wife’s pregnancy and asked for a raise in wages that would allow him a reasonable salary. After due deliberation, they all agreed that the increase in family size warranted the raise and informed the Rabbi. As time went on and after 6 births in six years, a meeting was called to complain that the cost was becoming burdensome. Addressing the congregation, the Rabbi said that having children…

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Blonds

What does a good basketball team and a bad basketball team have in common with a blonde? They all score.

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The Slow Golfers!!!

A foursome goes out on the course, only to find themselves waiting on every hole for the most inept golfers they’ve ever seen, who are playing in front of them. After a few holes, they start yelling at the klutzes, but that doesn’t seem to speed their game up. By the time they’ve finished their round, they’re so pissed off that they go straight to the golf pro to complain. “Guys,” he tells them, “those fellas you’ve been screaming at…

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bum ass

This gay guy was coming home from the bar one night and couldn’t score. As he was walking home, he saw a drunk bum passed out on a bench. He thought, “Hmm, better than nothing.” So he did his business and left the guy a $5.00 bill. The next morning when the bum woke up he found the $5.00 bill and went to the liquor store and said, “Give me a $5.00 bottle.” The next night the guy and a…

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Shovel Throwing

One day at the carp fair there was a shovel throwing competition. The first contestant gets up and throws the shovel 100 yards. The shovel throwing judge says,” Wow what a toss, that was better than anyone at the last fair, do you mind if I ask what you do for a living?” The guy says,” My grandfather was a farmer, my daddy’s a farmer and I’m a farmer; we shovel shit all day long, I guess I just got…

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Cruel Old Biddies

Three old ladies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then an old man walked by, and one of the old ladies said, “We bet we can tell how old you are.” The old man said there ain’t no way you can guess it. One of the old ladies said: “Sure we can. Drop your pants!” He did. The three ladies looked at him for a few moments and then the other lady said, “Take off your…

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