Hand job Jokes - page 6

The Classifieds

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers) Illiterate? Write today for free help. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Semi-Annual…

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How Now Brown Cow?

Old cowboy Sam suddenly found all of his cows were very sick. An immediate call to the vet resulted in the recommendation for a cure involving the insertion of a rather large pill in the rear of each animal. After several rather difficult tries, another call to the vet resulted in the use of a blow pipe. With the pill in the blow pipe and a hard puff the pill was immediately lodged in the proper location. With the large…

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A spit for $10

After Saddam invaded Kuwait he decided that he wanted more money. So he ordered 3 men with no jobs. He told the first one: “Here you are,” as he handed him a key. “This is the key for a supermarket. I want you to get me $10,000 in a week from it’s profit.” So away he went with the key. He told the second: “Here you are,” as he handed him another key. “This is the key for a boutique.…

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S.H.I.T. for Students

Memo to all students: In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T.…

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More Redneck Etiquette

When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving. Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in. Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should…

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100 Blonde Jokes!

1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! 2. Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone. 3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. 4. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. 5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. 6. Q: How does a blonde part their…

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Extra Scene in EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

I just heard there’s going to be an extra scene included in the DVD release of EMPIRE STRIKES BACK coming up next year! Basically, it expands on the scene where Vader reveals his fatherhood to Luke, and ties up some loose ends created with the release of Episode 1… The Empire Strikes Back: Extra-Special Edition ———————————————– INT: BESPIN GANTRY – MOMENTS LATER: A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry.…

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Top 10 Signs You Have a Drinking Problem

10. “Norm” is what they say when you enter the bar. 9. Two hands and one mouth….Now THAT’S a drinking problem. 8. 24 hours a day, 24 beers in a case … coincidence??? 7. You sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group. 6. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. 5. At an AA meeting you begin: “Hi my name is….uh…”. 4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.…

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