Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A blonde, a redhead and a brunette sign up with a tourist group and charter a double-decker bus to go to London. There are only two seats left on the bottom of the bus and only one seat in the top section of the bus available when they board. They decide to take turns riding in the top and flip a coin to see who gets the first turn. The blonde wins the toss. A couple of hours later, it’s…
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Morris calls his son in New York and says, “Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don’t want to discuss it. I’m merely telling you because you’re my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.” The son is shocked and asks his father to tell him what happened. “I don’t want to get into it. My mind is made up.” “But Dad, you just can’t decide to divorce…
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1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally. 2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class. 3. Twitch a lot. 4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep. 5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them. 6. Become a subgenius. 7. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG. 8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat.…
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A blonde secretary joins her boss on a business trip. They arrive the night before and stay in a hotel. She is told to meet him at the meeting at 9:00am the next day. One and a half hours into the meeting the boss calls his secretary to find out why she has not shown up? The boss: “You are 1 1/2 hours late! Why are you not here?” The secretary: “Well I am having a little bit of trouble…
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It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite. He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not to far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute…
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A man and his wife had been stranded on a deserted island for many years. The morning following a bad storm, a new guy washes up on the shore. The new guy and the wife are very attracted to each other right away, but they realize that certain protocols will have to be observed. The husband, oblivious to the pheromones floating around, is very glad to see the second man there. “This is wonderful! Now we’ll be able to have…
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1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! 2. Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone. 3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. 4. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. 5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. 6. Q: How does a blonde part their…
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Well, I’ve done a little research, and what I’ve discovered should make anyone think twice before eating that incredibly mind-boggling and oh so dangerous food: Bread! 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality…
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I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents apiece. I thought this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand apiece. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I bought 200 of them. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in…
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I can’t come in to work today because I’ll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK? When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-lax in addition to my Prozac. I can’t get off the john, but I feel good about it. I can’t come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation. If it…
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