Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions. 9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote. 8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him. 7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor’s, dentist, or…
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When WOMEN say…… Yes = No No = Yes I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry. We need… = I want… It’s your decision = The decision I want you to make should be obvious to you by now. Do whatever you want = You’ll pay for it later. We need to talk = I need to complain. Sure, go ahead = You better not if you know what’s good for you. I’m NOT upset = Of course I’m upset, you…
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I, the undersigned, a female accepting a marriage proposal, agree that… Section 1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you’ve drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for five *whole* minutes, wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one. Section 1.01 And it’ll be a really good act too, with me saying stuff like “So THIS is what hot monkey love is all about!” and howling like a cat…
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Your momma is so stupid, she thought hamburger helper came with another person. Your so stupid, you think Federal Express is a branch of the government. Your father is so dumb, he went to an LA Clippers game to get a haircut. Your mother is so stupid, she thinks Olde Engkish 800 is a college course. Your mother is so stupid, she tired to drown herself in a car pool. your mother is so stupid, she put your brother in…
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How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time Lick, paw, ogle, caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, dig, floralize, feed, laminate, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, bark, purr, hug, baste, marinate, coddle, excite, pacify, tattoo, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, lug, drag, crawl, tunnel, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate, attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, ululate, trust, dip, twirl, dive,…
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Three Texans cross the border into Mexico one night, get drunk and wake up in a Mexican jail. They are told that they are to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done. The first guy is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. He says, “I am a graduate student from the Baylor School of Divinity and I believe in the almighty power of God…
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Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. I am in shape. Round is a shape. Time may be a great healer, but it’s also a lousy beautician. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic. Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. Stupidity got us into this mess — why can’t it get us out? Even if you are on the…
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The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and said, “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?” The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First,…
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What does your profession say about you? ======================================= 1. MARKETING You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales. 2. SALES Laziest of all signs, often referred to as “marketing without a degree.” You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like…
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A man moves into a nudist colony. Sometime later, he receives a letter from his mother asking for a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let his mother know that he now lives in a nudist colony, he takes a photo of himself, cuts it in half, and sends her the top piece. A few weeks later, he receives another letter from his mother, this time asking him to send a picture to his grandmother…
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