Guy answers Jokes - page 3

Hans Olaffsen

This guy is walking through ChinaTown. He is fascinated with all the Chinese Restaurants, the Chinese shops, the Chinese signs and banners on the buildings. He is having the best time just walking and looking. He turns a corner and sees a building with a sign, “Hans Olafsen’s Laundry”. “Hans Olaffsen?”, he thinks. “How in the world does that fit in here?” So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor…

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Engineer In Hell

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter checks his dossier and says, “You’re an engineer, you’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the Gates of Hell and is welcomed. Soon, the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell; he begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day, God calls…

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Don’t drive drunk

Two drunks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer. All of a sudden the driver notices lights flashing in his mirror; the cops are on his tail. His buddy says, “What are we going to do?” The driver says, “Don’t worry. Just do exactly what I tell you and everything will work out perfectly. First, peel the labels off our beer bottles and we’ll each stick one on our forehead. Then shove the bottles underneath the seat, and let…

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‘North Country’ Humor from Minnesota

Ole, Lena and Sven were lost in the woods of Northern Minnesota and were becoming desperate, having run out of food several days ago. It was winter, the snow was deep, their situation was looking very bleak. When Ole dug down into the snow to look for nuts, he found an oil lamp and upon rubbing it to get the snow off, a genie came out. The genie says, “I am da great genie of Nordern Minnesooota and I can…

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The Maid

A guy calls home from work and a strange woman answers the phone. The guy says,”Who is this?” “This is the maid,” answers the woman. “We don’t have a maid!” “I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house.” “Oh. Well, this is her husband. Is she there?” “Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone whom I just naturally figured was her husband.” He’d always suspected, but now he knows. He says to the maid, “Listen, would…

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So, where ya from?

These two guys are sitting in a pub, getting hammered. One turns to the other and asks, “So, whe’re ya from?” “I’m from Dublin”, the other replies. “Dublin!, me *hic* too…bartender, get us a beer!” A moment later he asks again, “Where did ye *hic* go ta school?” The man answers, “St. Mary’s, *belch* graduated in ’46.” “St. Mary’s? 46!?”…exclaims the man, “Tarbender, *hic-belch* get us another beer!” “So, what part of Dublin did ya *belch* grow up in?” “The…

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What Time Does the Bar Open?

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. “It opens at noon,” answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. “What time does the bar open?” he asks. “Same time as before, Noon,” replies the clerk. Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. “Whenjoo shay the bar opinsh at?” The clerk then answers, “It opens…

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deductive reasoning

A man moved into a new neighborhood that was going to teach deductive reasoning at the college. When he got to his house he met his neighbor and they were talking about why he moved there. The new neighbor told him he was going to teach deductive reasoning at the college, and his neighbor asked him what it was. The new guy said, “Let me give you an example, I saw in your backyard that you have a doghouse.” The…

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Send in help

A guy calls the hospital and a nurse answers the phone. The guy said, “Send in help because my wife is going into labor.” The nurse said, “Is this her first child?” The guy replied, “No, this is her husband.”

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Good Buddy

Tony stops at his buddy Frank’s house on the way home from work. Frank’s wife Angela answers the door and says he’s not home yet but that Tony is welcome to come in and wait. She sits him down at the kitchen table so they can chat while she makes dinner. She notices Tony staring at her. “Why are you looking at me like that?” smiles Angela. “Angie, you got the greatest rack I ever saw,” says Tony. “I’ll give…

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