Great time Jokes - page 2

Fast Flight

Two men, sitting side by side in a 747 jet, started to talk. One told the other that this was his first flight. They left New York City for Los Angeles. They landed in Chicago, whereupon a little red truck pulled up and refueled the plane. They again landed to refuel in Denver. Another little red truck pulled up to the plane. Then they took off once again. As they were about to land at their destination, the veteran flier…

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Lab Rabbit

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. “Wow, this is great,” he thought. It wasn’t long before he came to a hedge and after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight – lots of other bunny rabbits, all…

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Oops! Wrong Guy!

A couple were sitting in their house one night contemplating whether or not to go to a Holloween Costume Party they’d been invited too. The wife says, “You go on honey. I’ve got a great big headache and I don’t feel like going anyway.” The husband consented and he went to the party. About an hour later the wife feels better and her headache is gone. She decides, “What the hell. I’ll go to the party and fool my husband…

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Change of Vacation Plans

A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. “It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas,” the friend observed. “But didn’t you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?” “Well,” the husband said, “we changed our plans because, uh…” His wife cut in, “Oh, tell the truth, Fred!” He feel silent, and she continued, “You know, it’s just ridiculous. Fred simply will NOT ask for directions.”

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Drinking Buddies

A couple of drinking buddies who are airplane mechanics are in a hanger in New York Airport; it’s fogged in and they have nothing to do. One of them says to the other “Man, have you got anything to drink?” “Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel, that’ll kinda give you a buzz.” So they do, get smashed and have a beautiful time. The following morning, one of them wakes up and he knows his head will explode…

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St. Peter and the HMO Executive

A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks them what good they have done in their lives. The doctor says, “I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for and healing thousands of people. St. Peter replies, “That’s great. Go ahead into heaven. And what about you?” The nurse states,…

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Who’s Zooming Who?

While playing poker with his buddies at the home of his friend Eddie one Sunday evening, Dan happened to drop a dollar bill to the floor. As he bent down to pick up the dollar bill under the poker table, he happened to look directly at the shapely legs of Eddie’s wife, Mona, who was seated on a chair near the poker table. Sensing that Dan was staring at her legs, Mona slyly parted her legs revealing that she was…

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New Additions to Periodic Table.

Name:Woman Symbol:WO Atomic weight:(Don’t go there) Physical Properties:Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled. Chemical properties:Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Also able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen. Usage:Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful…

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how to get drunk on 40 cents

Two drunks, Hawthorne and Woods, wake up one morning. Woods says, “How the hell are we gonna get drunk today? All I’ve got is forty cents.” Hawthorne says, “Gimme the money, I’ve got an idea.” He goes into a deli, comes out with a hot dog and says, “Come on. Let’s go to the bar.” When they get to the bar, Hawthorne pulls down Woods’ zipper, sticks in the hot dog, and pulls the zipper up tight enough to hold…

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The Zoo Can Be Fun!

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. “So how was it?” his mother asked when they returned home. “Great,” Little Johnny replied. “Did you and your father have a good time?” asked his mother. “Yeah, Daddy especially liked it,” exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!”

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