Goodness Jokes - page 2

Every newspaper in New York sent a reporter and a staff photographer to the office of a local ophthalmologist when it was learned that he recently performed a successful sight-saving operation on the wife of the country’s most celebrated pop artist. In addition to paying the doctor’s usual fee, he had gratefully insisted on painting one of his contemporary masterpieces across an entire wall of the doctor’s waiting room. The mural turned out to be an immense multi-colored picture of…

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“Yes, I came face to face with a lion once. To make matters worse, I was alone and weaponless . . .” “Goodness! What did you do?” “What could I do? First, I tried looking straight into his eyeballs, but he kept crawling up on me. Then I thought of plunging my arm down his throat, grabbing him by the tail and turning him inside out, but I decided it would be too dangerous. Yet, he kept creeping up on…

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There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants that would probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time to study them. Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes referred to as “mother”, although she didn’t mean to imply by this term that she would have thought less of the person if a close…

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This woman’s husband dies, and she has only $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend says, “How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke now?” The widow says, “Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And, of course, I had to make the…

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