Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
One day a conservative Presidential candidate decided that he needed more exposure in front of the farming community of the country. So, he set out on his journey across America to visit different agricultural communities. As he was traveling down a dirt road in a small town his eyes fell upon a farmer working out in his field. He decided that this was as good a place as any to start his campaigning, and so he parked his car and…
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An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain) An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today. A statistician is someone who is…
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Just recently I was honored to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in my community to be a judge at a chili cookoff because no one else wanted to do it. Also, the original person called in sick at the last minute and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy,…
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Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else? Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday. Waiter: Would you like your coffee black? Customer: What other colors do you have? Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? Sam: No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook. Manager: Sorry, but I can’t give you a job. I don’t need much help. Job Applicant: That’s all right.…
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Have you ever wondered how you draw breasts on the computer? You know how to draw faces =) asses (_|_) and animals O3“““ ~~~~~(_____*> but NO ONE can draw boobs. So I’ll show you. (o)(o) Perfect breasts (+)(+) Fake silicone breasts (*)(*) High nipple breasts (@)(@) Big nipple breasts 00 A cups {O}{O} D cups (oYo) Wonderbra breasts (^)(^) Cold breasts (o)(O) Lopsided breasts (Q)(O) Pierced breasts (p)(p) Breasts with tassels \o/\o/ Grandma breasts ( – )( – ) Flat…
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A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the lower bunk, the man on the top. In the middle of the night the man leans over and says, “I’m sorry to bother you but I’m cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.” The woman leans out and says in a…
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A woman gets a call from the hospital. The doctor at the hospital says, “Mrs. Smith, it’s about your husband. He’s been in a terrible car accident.” Mrs. Smith says, “Ohmigod, what happened.” The doctor says, “Well, I’ve got good news, and bad news.” Mrs. Smith says, “Give me the good news first.” The doctor says, “Well, your husband suffered extensive injuries and will take years to recuperate. He broke both of his arms, among other things, so for at…
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The Buffalo Theory: A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as…
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Matt’s dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part. Matt enthusiastically announced that he’d gotten a part. “I play a man who’s been married for twenty years.” “That’s great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they’ll be giving you a speaking part.”
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A man travels to Spain and goes to a Madrid restaurant for a late dinner. He orders the house special and he is brought a plate with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects. “What’s this?” he asks. “Cojones, se?or,” the waiter replies. “What are cojones?” the man asks. “Cojones,” the waiter explains, “are the testicles of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon.” At first the man is disgusted, but being the adventurous type, he decides to…
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