Good health Jokes - page 3

Guaranteed Weight Loss

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lb. due to very serious health risk. As he wondered how the heck he was ever going to do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM. “Guaranteed like hell,” he thought to himself, but desperate, he called them up and subscribed to the 3-day, 10-lb. weight loss program. The next day there was a knock at the door and when he answered,…

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Politically-Correct Little Red Riding Hood

There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants that would probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time to study them. Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes referred to as “mother”, although she didn’t mean to imply by this term that she would have thought less of the person if a close…

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You Know Your Getting Older When…

1. You know all the answers but nobody asks you any questions. 2. You get winded playing checkers. 3. You need a fire permit to light all of the birthday candles and you need oxygen after blowing them out. 4. You order Geritol on the rocks. 5. You sink your teeth into a thick steak and they stay there. 6. You stop to think and sometimes forget to start again. 7. You don’t need an alarm clock to get up…

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I’m Fine, Thank You! (poem)

There is nothing the matter with me. I’m as healthy as I can be. I have arthritis in both of my knees And when I talk, I talk with a wheeze. My pulse is weak, and my blood is thin. But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in. Arch supports I have for my feet Or I wouldn’t be able to be on the street. Sleep is denied me night after night, But every morning, I find I’m all…

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Read JokeI’m Fine, Thank You! (poem)