Goo Jokes - page 84

Fertilizer Chain Letter

Dear Friends, This letter is being sent to you for I know that you are certainly interested in your lawn. The spring season is about to arrive, and it is time to act if you want a truly spectacular lawn this summer. This is a fertilizer chain letter. It will cost you nothing. Upon receipt of this letter, go to the address of the person on the top of this list and shit on their front lawn. You will not…

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Corky Pig

Three hillbillies decided to buy a pig to enter in the county fair. After they had the pig for about a year the thing didn’t gain any weight. So the hillbillies decided to put a cork in the pig’s ass. After about 6 months the pig was ready for the fair, gaining a good 150-200 lbs. They went to the fair and won First Place. The hillbillies went home and one of them said, “We gotta take out the cork…

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4 bells

Fireman comes home from work talking about the new system they have a work. 1 Bell, put on their clothes, 2 Bells, slide down the pole, 3 Bells, Jump on the truck and ride to the Fire. The wife says, “That sounds good, why don’t we set up something at home?” They do. The next day he comes home and decides to try the system. 1 Bell, they jump out of their clothes, 2 Bells, they jump in the bed,…

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Insanity

After ten years of incarceration in an insane asylum, the remarkable Ralph Tibney seemed to have made a remarkable recovery. “While you were here,” the doctor said, “you actually acquired a doctorate in chemistry. If I recommend that you be released, what do you plan to do?” “I plan to go to work doing R&D for a major corporation.” “Good…and if you can’t get a job?” “Then I’ll see if I can get a grant and open my own lab.”…

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First Date

A man and a woman were just finishing up a first date on the woman’s doorstep. She gives him a kiss and says goodbye. The man says, “Wait a minute. Aren’t you going to invite me upstairs?” The woman, obviously surprised at his question, replies, “Oh, my. Well, I just coudn’t invite a man into my room on the first date!” And the man asks, “Oh? Well how about a last date?”

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More Redneck Etiquette

When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving. Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in. Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should…

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Politically-Correct Little Red Riding Hood

There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants that would probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time to study them. Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes referred to as “mother”, although she didn’t mean to imply by this term that she would have thought less of the person if a close…

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100 Blonde Jokes!

1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! 2. Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone. 3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. 4. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. 5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. 6. Q: How does a blonde part their…

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The Headaches!!!!

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older, he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. “The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to…

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New Rooster

A farmer had 250 hens he wanted to mate, but his rooster was old and he needed a new one. He went to see his neighbor, and after some haggling over the price, which he thought was too high, he took home a young rooster. When he got back to the farm, he told the rooster that he could take his time, because he had no competition, and he should enjoy himself. He turned him loose in the hen house…

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