Goo Jokes - page 19

Surprise! Surprise!

Jon left for a two day business trip to Chicago. He was only a few blocks away from his house when he realized he’d left his plane ticket on top of his dresser. He turned around and headed back to the house. He quietly entered the door and walked into the kitchen. He saw his wife washing the breakfast dishes, wearing her skimpiest negligee. She looked so good that he tiptoed up behind her, reached around, and squeezed her left…

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The Bible Salesman

Responding to an ad in the paper for Bible salesmen, a man arrived for his interview. “I w-w-want to s-s-sell B-B-Bibles,” he said. His interviewer was hesitant, but because the man’s sales experience was so good, he hired him. To everyone’s astonishment, within a few months, the fellow’s sales were the best in the company. The president called a meeting to congratulate him and to inspire the other salemen. “Son, tell us your secret for selling so many Bibles,” he…

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Golf lesson

This newlywed couple decided to take golfing lessons. So the husband went to the golf trainer and he hit the ball. It went about 50 yards, not very balanced and not a good hit. So the trainer said, “Hold the golf club like you would your wife’s breasts.” So he did and it was a perfect hit, hole in 1. When the wife went to the trainer, she did the same thing, not a very good hit, about 40 yards.…

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A Sign From Above

A woman and a man get into a car accident, and it’s a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “So you’re a man,that’s interesting. I’m a woman… Wow! Just look at our cars. There’s nothing left,but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of…

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Hot & Sweaty

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together. After the husband’s exam, the doctor then said to him, “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like discuss with me?” “In fact, I do,” said the man. “After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife…

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Limousine in Heaven

A Pope died and went to Heaven and was met by St. Peter. St. Peter greeted him warmly and said, “Sir you have been such a good servant, We would like to offer you anything you want too make you feel at home”. The Pope said, “I have always thought I would like to drive through Heaven in a long white limousine”. St. Pete said, “I’m sorry, that’s the one thing that we can’t grant”. The Pope said, “I understand”…

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Women’s Clever Answers To Pick-Up Lines

Man: “Haven’t we met before?” Woman: “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.” Man: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?” Woman: “Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.” Man: “So, wanna go back to my place?” Woman: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?” Man: “Your place or mine?” Woman: “Both. You go to your place and I’ll go to mine.” Man: “I’d really like to get into your pants.” Woman: “No thanks. There’s…

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wonderous piggy

one day a guy at an insurance company got a request for insurance for a pig. The guy wanted to know why the pig needed insurance so he went down to the farm to investigate. when he approched the owner and asked him why, the farmer pointed to the pig with only 3 legs. The insurance man(lets call him Joe) asked what happen to the pig. the farmer(lets call him Billy Bob) says,”well one time my little daughter got out…

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Checking it Out

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. “You aren’t so good in bed either!” he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. “What took you so long to answer?” “I was in bed.” “What were you doing in bed this late?” “Getting a second opinion.”

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Millennium Software (MYASS)

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as “Millennium Year Application Software System” (MYASS). Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a…

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Read JokeMillennium Software (MYASS)