Golf day Jokes - page 2

Lucky Golf Ball

One day there were two men playing golf. The first guy was talking to the other guy. He said, “You can’t lose this golf ball, if you hit it in the water it will inflate and come back to you, if you hit it in the sand it rolls out. If you hit it in the woods it will come out.” The second guy said, “Where’d you get it?” The first guy said, “I found it!”

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Golf Balls

An avid golfer goes to the local golf course to get in a couple hours of practice after work one day. He hits a large bucket of balls on the driving range, but still hasn’t corrected the slice he’s working on. Not having enough money to buy another bucket of balls and being all alone on the practice tee, he walks up the edge of the driving range picking up balls in the weeds and bushes so as not to…

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A Perfect Day…

THE PERFECT DAY – FOR HER -8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses -8.30 Weigh in 2Kg lighter than yesterday -8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents – expensive jewelery chosen by thoughtful partner -9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil -10.00 Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer -10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry -12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe -12.45 Catch sight of husband/ boyfriend’s…

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Four fingered golf

One day a man with no tongue approched a threesome on the first tee of a golf course. He handed a card to the men that stated, “I am dumb as I have no tongue. I would like to join your threesome, making it a foursome”. The first man looked at the card and said, “No problem”. The second man looked at the card and said, “I have no problem with that”. The third man looked at the card and…

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golf etiquette

Three guys, a father, son, and grandfather go out to play a round of golf. As they are on the way out to the first tee they are joking, bullshitting, and cussing, very much the men’s day out. Just before the son is ready to tee off, this fine looking woman walks up carrying her clubs. She says that her partner didn’t show and asks if she can join them. The guys say sure, since she is a really beautiful…

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golf disaster

One day, two guys take off from work to play a round of golf. The day is going great and the two are having a blast. Finally, the two men approach the 18th hole, only to discover that it is backed up. The people ahead of them obviously weren’t very good at golf because it was taking forever for them to hit the ball. One guy says to the other, “I am going to to tell them to hurry the…

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Holy Golf!

God and St. Peter go down to the golf course on a nice Sunday afternoon. As they go to tee-off, God motions for Peter to start. Peter’s a bit surprised, but he sets up and takes his shot. He hits a nice drive right onto the green. When God takes his shot, however, he doesn’t get nearly as nice a drive. A sharp hook takes the ball right into the rough. Peter asks God “What happened?” God just smiles as…

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Golf In Heaven

One day Moses, Jesus, and God were playing golf together in Heaven. Moses drove the ball far out and it landed in a lake. Moses opened his hands and the water opened up, he then hit the ball once more and it went into the hole. On another hole, Jesus drove the ball far out and it landed in a lake. His ball was floating, so he walked along the water, he hit the ball once more and it went…

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Golf Balls

A wife is going through her husband’s closet one day when she finds a metal box. Inside the box she finds 3 golf balls and $20,000. She immediately goes downstairs and confronts him with it. Wife: “What is this box for?” Husband: “Well, every time we had bad sex I put a golf ball in the box.” The wife thought this was pretty good seeing as how they had been married for 20 years. Wife: “What is the $20,000 for?”…

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The Therapist Golfer

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said,…

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