God man Jokes - page 14

Marital Bliss

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know…

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TGIF

True story: Woman 1: Why are you so happy. Woman 2: That’s easy: TGIF. Woman 1: Yeah I love fridays too. Woman 2: What do you mean? Woman 1: TGIF means Thank God It’s Friday Woman 2: No it means Thank God I’m Female!

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Hunters

There were these three hunters that were fixing to go hunting in a familiar part of the woods. The first man set up while the other two still hunted. The first hunter was sitting in his tree when he got cold and sleepy. He got him a dip of Skoal and realized he had to take a shit. He didn’t want to climb down so he just shit over the side. He then fell asleep. The other two hunters killed…

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Thoughts on Men and Women

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change…

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The LOST Chapter of Genesis…

Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, “What is wrong with you?” Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, “This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she’ll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will…

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Outrunning a Ghost

There was this party in the woods and, all of a sudden there was a downpour of rain and thunder. These two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, and finally reached their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other. All of a sudden an old man’s face appeared outside the passenger…

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kids’ books that never quite made circulation

Children’s books that never quite made it into circulation “You Are Different and That’s Bad” “Dad’s New Wife Timothy” “Pop! Goes The Hamster….And Other Great Microwave Games” “Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Household Pets” “The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad” “Babar Meets the Taxidermist” “Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence” “The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables” “Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom’s Purse” “The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy” “Things…

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George’s Physical

Seventy year old George went to the doctor for his annual physical check-up. The doctor examined George and did all the routine tests. Everything seemed fine. The doctor said, “Well George, it looks like all the tests came back normal and you seem to be in good physical shape for a man your age. Now tell me, how are you emotionally and spiritually?” “Doc”, said George, “I am emotionally and spiritually great. In fact, God has really been helping me…

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Parrot in a Church

One day a woman’s phone rang and it was her church preacher asking her to bring a pet to church. So on Saturday night, she went to the pet shop to buy a parrot to teach it to pray. She found one and bought it. She brought the bird home and tried to get it to talk, but it wouldn’t. The next day she woke up and got ready for church. She looked out the window and said, “God damit!…

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Truth about Creation

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God. “Lord, I have a problem!” “What’s the problem, Eve?” “Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious, comedic snake, but I’m just not happy.” “Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above. “Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to death of apples.” “Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create…

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