Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Blonde secretary’s memo to her boss: To: My Boss From: Blondie Subject: Changing calenders from Y2K I hope that I haven’t misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. Atany rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all the company calendars for next year. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months: Januark Februark…
(0)
Loading...
A man is driving home late one night and is feeling very horny. (So, how is this different than any other time a man is driving? — Ray) Anyway, as he is passing a pumpkin patch, his mind starts to wander. He thinks to himself, you know a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there is no one around here for miles. He pulls over to the side of the road, picks out a nice juicy looking pumpkin, cuts…
(0)Loading...
I have had two by-pass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, prostate cancer, and diabetes, I am half blind and can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia, poor circulation and can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore, Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But…Thank God I still have my DRIVER’S LICENSE!!!
(0)Loading...
“How was your blind date?” a college student asked her roommate. “Terrible!” answered the roommate. “He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce.” “Wow! That’s a very expensive car! What’s so bad about that?” “He was the original owner.”
(0)Loading...
Sister Mary Jane, a nun from a convent a block away from Jack’s liquor store, walked in and said,”Oh Jack, give me a pint o’ the brandy.” “Sister Mary Jane,” exclaimed Jack, “I can’t do that! I’ve never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!” “Oh Jack,” she responded, “it’s only for the Mother Superior.” Her voice dropped, “It cures constipation, you know.” So Jack sold her the brandy. Later that night, Jack closed the store and walked home.…
(0)Loading...
GENERAL DISCLAIMER FOR ANY WIVES OR GIRLFRIENDS WHO HAPPEN UPON A COPY OF THIS: 1) The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location. 2) Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing. 3) When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better…
(0)Loading...
Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, “I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease”. Disraeli replied, “That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.”
(0)Loading...
A blind man and his seeing eye dog walked into a department store. All of a sudden, the blind man picked up his dog by its tail and started swinging the dog around in a circle. The department store employee observed this and went over and asked the blind man if he could help him. The blind man replied, “No, I am just looking around.”
(0)Loading...
Mess Test :Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fishstick behind the TV and leave it there all summer. Toy Test: Buy a 55-gallon drum of Lego. (If Lego’s are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks.) Have a friend spread them all over the house and stairways. Put on a blindfold and remove your shoes and socks. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream, as this could wake the child at night.…
(2)Loading...
A young ventriloquist is touring the South and stops to entertain in a bar in Arkansas. He’s going through his usual “Stupid redneck” jokes, when a big burly guy in the audience stands up and says, “I’ve heard just about enough of your smartass hillbilly jokes, we ain’t all stupid here in Arkansas.” Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the big guy pipes up, “You stay out of this, mister, I’m talking to the smartass little fella on your…
(0)Loading...