Gin Jokes - page 51

Maw is outside the house hanging up the laundry, when she hears Paw in the kitchen. Maw walks in and says, “Paw, get out there and fix that there outhouse.” He says, “All right, Maw.” He walks out to the outhouse, looks at it, and says, Maw, there ain’t nothin’ wrong with this here outhouse!” Maw says, “Yes, there is. Put your head down in the hole.” He puts his head down in the hole, and he says, “Maw, there…

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Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity to each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted both to go to the same college but, the girl was accepted to a college on the East Coast, and the guy went to a college on the West Coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and to spend anytime they could together. As time…

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A guy goes to see a psychiatrist. He says, “Doc, I think I’m hung up on women’s breasts.” The psychiatrist says, “We’ll see. I’ll give you a quick word association test. I’ll say something, and then you say the first thing that comes into your mind. Shall we begin?” The guy nods his head. The doctor says, “Eggs.” The guy says, “Boobs.” The doctor says, “Orange.” The guy says, “Hooters.” The doctor says, “Grapefruit.” The guy says, “Jugs.” The doctor…

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An English taxidermist is sweating his way through the Australian outback when he comes across a bar. He staggers in between the beer swilling locals and, in his well educated voice, asks the bartender, “May I have a gin and tonic, please, my good man.” One of the locals says to his mates, “Geez, cobbers, what kind of a fucking man?s drink is that?” Then, turning to the Englishman, “Hey! You! Yes, you, you fucking Pom! Gin and fucking tonic,…

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Top 25 Signs That You’ve Already Grown Up 1. Your potted plants stay alive. 2. Fooling around in a twin sized bed is absurd. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep. 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. 6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup. 8. You…

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A little boy gets on a bus and sits behind the bus driver. As they’re driving along, the boy sings, “If my daddy was a bull and my mommy was a cow, then I’d be a little bull.” Annoyed, the bus driver tells the little boy to sit down, but the little boy continues, “If my daddy was a stag and my mommy was a deer, I’d be a little stag.” The bus driver tells the boy to shut up,…

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