Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Skinny people piss me off! Especially when they say things like, “You know, sometimes I just forget to eat.” Now, I’ve forgotten my address, my mother’s maiden name, and my keys. But I’ve never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn’t give a damn. They keep telling us to get in touch…
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A horse and a chicken became very good friends on a large South Dakota ranch. One day, the horse and the chicken went for a walk and all of a sudden the horse found himself stuck in a good size mud hole and could not free himself. So he told the chicken to run back to the barn and get the farmer because he was begining to sink. So the chicken ran back to the farm but could not find…
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1. Connection – Heh… what connection? 2. Complicated – Once you finally connect to the Internet (see #1), the thing that they don’t tell you when you get the Internet is how impossible it is to use if you have never used it before. They all think it is sooo easy, and I probably would think it was easy too if I programmed it. If you are dedicated enough to actually try to figure it out, that is close to…
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Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess I have two mounds upon my bodice I shave my legs, sit down to pee – Can justify any shopping spree Don’t go to a barber, but a beauty salon Can get a massage without a hard-on I can balance my checkbook, can pump my own gas Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass My beauty’s a masterpiece, and yes, it takes long. At least I can admit to…
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It has become pretty obvious to me that our present astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid of them. When I’m out driving around I’ll see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose I’ll even see a ram. Up the street from me there’s some twins, but I don’t see them much. The rest of these things are just too obscure. You only see crabs on vacation. There are no lions, or scorpions,…
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Olie died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to I.D. the body. So his 2 friends, Sven and Lars, went down to try and I.D. the body. Sven went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet and Sven said “Yaa, he’s burnt pretty bad. Roll him over.” So the mortician rolled him over and Sven looked at his ass and said, “No, dat ain’t Olie.” The mortician didn’t say anything but thought…
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A man was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept talking about chickens being great creatures, and as such, they had the right to go wherever they wanted. The man was having no luck keeping the chickens out of his flower beds, and his buddy commented that he’d soon have no flowers left at all. Two weeks later, on a visit, the friend noticed that his flower beds were doing great. So the…
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01. You can name everyone with whom you graduated. 02. You know what 4-H is, and WHY. 03. You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road. 04. You used to drag “main.” 05. You said the “F” word and your parents knew, within the hour. 06. You scheduled parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you knew which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn’t — same goes…
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1. Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points. 2. Sit in the front and color in your textbook. 3. Introduce yourself to the class as the “master of the pan flute”. 4. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder. 5. Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In the middle of the lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask if he was ever in an episode…
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What follows is the Commencement address that was thought to have been given by: Kurt Vonnegut recently at MIT **************************************** Turns out that he didn’t, but it got back to him, he read it, and said he wished that he had written it. Lenochka **************************************** Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’98: Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,…
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