Fool Jokes - page 3

Wal-mart Dianogstic Computer

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe say’s to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.” “Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money.” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars…a lot cheaper than a doctor.” So Joe…

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Sage Wisdom or the Ages

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. I intend to live forever – so far, so good. Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that…

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Dumb Luck?!?

After a night on the town with his buddies and a few too many drinks, Tom foolishly offers to give everyone a lift home. As Tom is driving down the freeway, his friend yells out that he has missed the exit. “No problem,” says Tom as he puts the car in reverse and begins reversing — straight into another car. Wouldn’t you know it but 10 seconds later a police officer drives up. The officer approaches the other car first…

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18 bottles of Whisky

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar, and my wife insisted I empty the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else. After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. Then, I withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of…

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Wal-mart Dianogstic Computer

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe say’s to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.” “Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money.” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars…a lot cheaper than a doctor.” So Joe…

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Love Letter Code

This is a love letter from a boy to a girl…. However, the girl’s father does not like him and wants them stop the relationship…… Afraid that her father would intercept any messages, the boy wrote this letter to the little girl. 1 “The great love that I have for you 2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you 3 grows every day. When I see you, 4 I do not even like your face; 5 the one…

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Farmer Boy

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. “Hey Willis!!” the farmer yelled. “Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I’ll help you get the wagon up.” “That’s mighty nice of you, ” Willis answered, “but I don’t think Pa would like me to.” “Aw, come on,” the farmer insisted. “Well okay,” the boy finally agreed, and added, “But Pa won’t like it.” After a hearty dinner,…

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The 12 Days Of A Cajun Christmas

The 12 Days Of A Cajun Christmas Day 1: Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it las’ night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow in de swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma. Day 2: Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but all I got was two scrawny pigeons. Anyway, I mixed dem with andouille an made some gumbo out of dem. Day 3:…

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I the undersigned……

I, the undersigned, a female accepting a marriage proposal, agree that… Section 1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you’ve drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for five *whole* minutes, wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one. Section 1.01 And it’ll be a really good act too, with me saying stuff like “So THIS is what hot monkey love is all about!” and howling like a cat…

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Wrong place

There was an old miser who was close to death. While on his deathbed, he gathered his family around to tell them his last requests. “I want one of you to take all my money and put it in a box in the attic. That way, when I die, I can take it to heaven with me.” A couple of days later, the miser died. After the funeral, the family once again gathered at the house. The widow went up…

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