Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
You Know You’re In Trouble When … … Your accountants letter of resignation is postmarked Zurich. … Your suggestion box starts ticking. … Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3. … You make more than you ever made, owe more than you ever owed, and have less than you’ve ever had. … The simple instructions enclosed aren’t. … People send your wife sympathy cards on…
(1)
Loading...
A man walks into a store and heads straight for the counter. He orders a Polish sausage sandwich from the old lady behind the counter.. However she just stands there and says, “You must be a really dumb Pollack.” “I can’t believe you’ve made that ethnic remark! If a Jew comes in here and orders a kosher sandwich, will you call him a dumb Jew?” “Of course,” says the cranky old lady. “If an Italian walks in here and orders…
(1)Loading...
When we moved into our new home, the first one we owned rather than rented, one of my husband’s friends gave him a bottle of champagne. In the hustle and bustle of getting settled, the gift was tucked away and temporarily forgotten. Three months later, we held a Christening party for our third child. Champagne flowed in celebration until, running short, we remembered our housewarming gifts. In front of our guests, I open the attached card and read it aloud,…
(0)Loading...
Newlyweds get: “soregasms” Nymphos have: “let’s-do-it-some-moregasms” Teenagers usually experience: “four-on-the-floorgasms” Salesmen have: “door-to-doorgasms” Virgins scream out: “my-hymen-got-torgasms” I know of no one who has: “I-abhorgasms” Goalies have: “scoregasms” One gal was married to a man who had: “snoregasms” (well, that was *his* excuse) Golfers have: “foregasms” Hockey players have: “Bobby Orrgasms” Miners have: “ore-gasms” Mushrooms are limited to: “sporegasms” Grocers have: “storegasms” Marco Polo had: “exploregasms” Premature ejaculators have: “beforegasms” And lastly, Selfish men have: “I-got-mine-you-get-yourgasms”
(0)Loading...
(This is a true story from the newspaper The Cape Times, South Africa) “For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a patient dead in the same bed every Friday morning,” a spokeswoman for the Pelonomi Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told reporters. “There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive checks on the air condidtioning system, and search for possible bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues. However, further inquiries have now revealed…
(0)Loading...
“Winterize your lawn,” the big sign outside the garden store commanded. I’ve fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die anyway. Now I’m supposed to winterize it? I hope it’s too late. Grass lawns have to be the stupidest thing we’ve come up with, outside of thong swimsuits! We constantly battle dandelions, Queen Anne’s lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover that thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed through…
(1)Loading...
If nothing sticks to TEFLON, how does TEFLON stick to the pan? Why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor, but you can’t drink and drive? If a cow laughs does milk come out it’s nose? Why do they put Braile dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM? Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
(0)Loading...
Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight10.3, Bar Night 2.5, Weekend Golf 6.1 and Football 5.0 no…
(0)Loading...
This poem was written by Mary C. Johnson age 93 of Southfield Nursing home, for a thanks to a doctor that saved her from a disease. The sun was shining brightly, And I could hardly wait, To raise my breakfast window, And gaze upon God’s estate. The breeze was blowing gently, And it brushed the flowers away, All the nature was enchanting, Upon this lovely day. My eyes fell upon a little bird, With a tender yellow bill, Who was…
(0)Loading...
The Top 39 Things You Would NEVER Hear A Texan Say: 39. “I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex”. 38. Duct tape won’t fix that. 37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael. 36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken. 35. We don’t keep firearms in this house. 34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer? 33. You can’t feed that to the dog. 32. I thought Graceland was tacky. 31. No kids in the back of the pick-up,…
(0)Loading...