Flo Jokes - page 24

Mr.Perfect

An associational minister arrived one Sunday morning in a small, rural town. The local minister had invited the visiting minister to help with a local problem. “Everyone here thinks they are just perfect!” said the local minister. “Could you preach a sermon that will bring them back to their senses?” The associational minister was a very gifted speaker, most eloquent with words and very knowledgeable about the Scriptures. He spoke for nearly an hour, convincing everyone that they, too, were…

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Little Girl’s Lesson

It was a beautiful spring day as the mother and her 5 year old daughter strolled, hand-in-hand down the country lane…they picked wild flowers, watched the butterflies, and generally enjoyed their walk together. Soon, they came upon a pasture where a pair a horses were in the process of “mating”…the little girl stopped and pointed…”Mommy, what are those horseys doing?” she asked. Her mother was very embarrased, but she thought quickly… “Well,” she told her young daughter, “The horse on…

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Could Things Get Worse?

The following is taken from a Florida newspaper: A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and…

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Secret to old age

Three old men were sitting on a bench in Florida when a reporter approached them. “I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell us your secret to long life,” the reported asked. The three old men agreed. The first old man was asked his secret to his long life. “I never drank alcohol, I never smoked tobacco and I have been married to the same woman for fifty years.” “Wow, thats really remarkable!” said…

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Nudist Colony

A family of three [mom, dad and a 10 year-old girl] went down to Florida to visit a nudist camp. The girl goes walking around on the beach and comes back to her mother and says, “Mommy, mommy, women down here have bigger breasts than you.” The mom replied, “That’s right honey, but the bigger they are the dumber they are.” The girl goes and walks around again. She comes back to her mom and says, “Mommy, mommy, guys down…

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Interesting Thought

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go…

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Oh Whoops

An airoplane is about to crash land. The pilot yells over the intercom to the passengers to throw something out the window so that the crash won’t be as bad. A young irish blonde throws out a case o whisky, a big english bloke lobs out a case o cigs and an Iraq phsyco throws out a bomb. Five minutes later a women is walking along a street. She see’s a little girl crying. “What’s the matter dear?” she asks.…

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Home Economics – Then and Now

The following is from an ACTUAL 1950’s Home Economics textbook for High School girls, teaching them how to prepare for married life. 1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal – on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the propects of a good meal are part of the…

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Animal Training Auditions

Last time the circus came to town, only two applicants answered an ad in the local paper for an animal trainer. The owner decided to audition the male and female applicants. At first glance, it appeared that the female was much better prepared, since she was wearing a very long, flowing cape, with a whip and chair. She looked more like a model than a trainer. The man’s only distinguishing feature was a soggy cigar stuffed between his cracked and…

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Order Ahead

A sad-faced man came into the flower shop early one morning. I was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, but this time I guessed wrong. He wanted a basket of flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary. “And what day will that be?” I asked. Glumly, he replied, “Yesterday.”

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