Fish one Jokes - page 6

You might be a redneck if……

1) You might be a redneck if your family reunion is held at a rest area. 2) If your wife says “Billy-Bob, take the carburetor out of the car so I can take a bath,” you might be a redneck. 3) If you think the last three words of the national anthem is “start your engines.” 3) You might be a redneck if your family is half your town’s population! 4) You might be a redneck if you want to…

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Bad Plate

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, “That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?” The man replies, “All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious . . . Hollandaise Sauce. I loved it so much I now put…

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Memo from Microsoft

Dear Customers: It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 98 SOUTHERN EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside the South. If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands. The Southern edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads “WINDERS 98” and has a background picture of General Robert E. Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Dukes of Hazzard screen saver.…

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Love Letter Code

This is a love letter from a boy to a girl…. However, the girl’s father does not like him and wants them stop the relationship…… Afraid that her father would intercept any messages, the boy wrote this letter to the little girl. 1 “The great love that I have for you 2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you 3 grows every day. When I see you, 4 I do not even like your face; 5 the one…

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The 12 Days Of A Cajun Christmas

The 12 Days Of A Cajun Christmas Day 1: Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it las’ night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow in de swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma. Day 2: Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but all I got was two scrawny pigeons. Anyway, I mixed dem with andouille an made some gumbo out of dem. Day 3:…

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Bush’s Presidential Theme Song

The Kennebunkport Hillbilly (sung to the tune of ?The Beverly Hillbillies?) Come and listen to my story ’bout a boy named Bush His IQ was zero and his head was up his tush He drank like a fish while he was drivin? all about But that didn’t matter ‘cuz his daddy bailed him out! DUI, that is. Criminal record. Cover-up. Well, the first thing you know little Georgie went to Yale He couldn?t spell his name but they never let…

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Tips for Life

OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out names and addresses of people you don’t know. WHEN reading a book, try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists. A TEASPOON placed in a glass on the back seat of your car makes a handy audible gauge for road bump severity. BUS DRIVERS: Pretend you’re an airline pilot, by…

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68 FUN THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clock to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Start playing football; see how many people you can get to join in. 5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him, “I need some…

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Redneck Jedi

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If… You ever heard the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.” Your Jedi robe is camouflage. You have ever used your light saber to open a can of Bud. At least one wing of your X-Wing Fighter is primer colored. You can easily describe the taste of Ewok. You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters. Wookiees…

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