First man Jokes - page 4

First Date

A man and a woman were just finishing up a first date on the woman’s doorstep. She gives him a kiss and says goodbye. The man says, “Wait a minute. Aren’t you going to invite me upstairs?” The woman, obviously surprised at his question, replies, “Oh, my. Well, I just coudn’t invite a man into my room on the first date!” And the man asks, “Oh? Well how about a last date?”

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Hot Dog

Two foreign men take a trip to the US. During the trip one man says to the other “I hear they eat dogs in this country, maybe we should eat some dogs too so we can fit in” So the two men walk up to a hot dog stand and order two hot dogs. When they recieve them, the first man opens his up, looks inside, and says to his freind “what part did you get!”

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who sneezed?

Once there was this officer who heard a sneeze behind him from a group of four soldiers who were under his command so he went to them and asked, “Who sneezed?” but no one answered. So he asked again, but they were afraid to tell him; so he got MAD, and asked the first man, “Who sneezed?” When he didn’t answer, he shot him. Then asked the second one who didn’t know what to do, so he shot him. The…

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Gettin’ a Little….

Two elderly gentleman are sitting on the porch, just rockin’ and taking in the day. First man asks: “Tell me John, I am curious, have you been gettin’ a little on the side?” John looks a bit puzzled and responds: “To tell you the truth, it’s been so damn long, I didn’t even know they moved it…”

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Who has the smartest dog?

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second was an Accountant, the third was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker. To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. “T-Square, do your stuff.” T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. The Accountant said his…

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Two questions

Two men are talking and the first one says, “You like riddles or quizzes?” The second guy replies, “Sure!” The first man says, “Well, I have a two-question quiz for you. One question is super easy to answer, while the other one is very difficult. If you answer only ONE question correctly, I will pay you $500. Answer BOTH correctly and you will receive $1,000 from me. Does that interest you?” “Yes!” said the other man. “OK,” continues the first,…

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Musta been Sex

Two builders were working on the 48th floor of a skyscraper. One turns to the other and says, ” Damn, I gotta take a piss.” The other guy tells him to go ahead. The first guy says,”hell, we’re on the 48th floor. By the time I get to the ground, I’ll have pissed my pants.” The second guy looks around and spots a plank about twelve feet long, and gets an idea. He tells the first guy, “Hey, listen. I’ll…

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Who Died The Worst Death?

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit 33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the worst death? So, St. Peter takes each of the three men aside in turn and asks them about how they died. First man: “I’d been suspecting for a long time that my wife was cheating on me. I decided to come home early from work one afternoon and check…

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Someone is Going to Die!

A man stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for his wife. As the clerk was putting on the finishing touches on bouquet, another man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses. “I’m sorry,” the clerk said. “This man just ordered our last bunch.” The desperate customer turned to the other man and begged, “May I please have those roses?” “What happened?” the first man asked. “Did you forget your wedding anniversary?” “It’s…

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Board Meeting

After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the Church Board, following the close of the service. The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger. “You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the Board Members,” explained the minister. “I know,” said the man. “but if there is anyone was who more bored than I was, then I’d like to meet him.”

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