First house Jokes - page 10

A Tennessean Moves to New York

January 10: It’s 5pm. It’s starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we’ve seen in many years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the picture window watching the snow flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was so pristine and beautiful. Things could not be any better. January 11: We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a…

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Yo mamma — THE LIST

YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll over twice to get off…

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Devil on the Bridge

A man standing on a bridge seems to be contemplating suicide. He has lost his job, his home, and his car. Suddenly, out of nowhere, an evil image with a cape appears and asks the man what his problem is. The man replies that he has nothing to live for…everything is gone. The evil image in the cape tells the man that he is the devil, and he would grant three wishes in return for a blow job under the…

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Logical Rednecks

Two rednecks named Bob & Earl were sick of being called stupid, so they decided to go to college and get an education. Bob went in first and got his schedule. “Math, Science, and Logic.” he read. Now Bob knew about Science and Math but had never heard of Logic, so he asked a professer just what it meant. “Well,” began the professer, “Do you have a weedeater?” “Yep.” answered Bob. “Ok, since you have a weedeater, I assume you…

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Rich Guy

One day this rich guy was having a party at his house. He had everything: money, a big house in Beverly Hills, women, cars, planes, bonds and stocks; anything he wanted. The guy was also a little eccentric, and he had filled his pool with crocodiles. So at the party, he and his friends are all standing around drinking and partying next to the pool. The guy gets up on the lifeguard tower and all his friends look up. He…

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Screw Chainletters

Hello, my name is Jonathan McKenzie. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before…

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Genie

This young man was going golfing one day, but he wasn’t very good. He had been hitting the ball in the rough, the water, and soon a sand trap. By the time he hit the sand trap he was very annoyed. So he stood there swinging at the ball but missing and in the process digging a hole. Soon he hit something hard (not the golf ball). He bent over and dug it up to see what it was. When…

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The Occupational Explanation

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. “Tim, you be first,” she said. “What does your mother do all day?” Tim stood up and proudly said, “She’s a doctor.” “That’s wonderful. How about you, Amie?” Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, “My father is a mailman.” “Thank you, Amie,” said the teacher. “What about your father, Billy?” Billy proudly stood up & announced, “My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse.”…

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Just Too Cruel

Paul and a bunch of other kids ran up to Mrs. Robinson’s house carrying caps, baseball gloves, and bats. Paul shouted up to the window, “Mrs. Robinson! Can Johnny come out to play baseball?” Mrs. Robinson replied, “Paul, you know that Johnny doesn’t have any arms or legs.” Paul shouted back, “We know that. We just want to use him as first base!”

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What Men Really Mean

“I’m going fishing.” Really means… “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” “Let’s take your car.” Really means…. “Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas.” “Woman driver.” Really means…. “Someone who doesn’t speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me.” “I don’t care what color you paint the kitchen.”…

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