First class Jokes - page 7

What Men Really Mean

“I’m going fishing.” Really means… “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” “Let’s take your car.” Really means…. “Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas.” “Woman driver.” Really means…. “Someone who doesn’t speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me.” “I don’t care what color you paint the kitchen.”…

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School Discipline

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze…

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Heavenly Parts!!!

The teacher of a third grade class was having a discussion about what body parts go to heaven first. She asked her students which they thought and Sarah, Jake and Little Jonny in the back raised their hands. The teacher thought to herself that she better not ask Jonny because he would just say something perverted. So she asked Sarah. Sarah: “The head because you have to be smart to get into heaven.” Then the teacher asked Jake. Jake: “Your…

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WHO SAID THAT?

It was a warm Friday afternoon toward the end of the school year when Miss Adams said to her third-grade class “Give me your attentions, girls and boys. I’m going to write some quotations on the board and the first person who can tell me who said each one may leave early today.” She wrote “Give me liberty or give…” Before she could finish the phrase, little Tiffany shouted “Patrick Henry”. “Very good, Tiffany”, smiled Miss Adams. “You may leave.”…

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spelling bee

On the first day of school the teacher announces, “To get to know the class better, I’d like each child to tell us their name, what their father does for a living, spell it, and if he were here what would he give the class?” The first boy says, “Hi, my name is Johhny. My daddy is a baker, B-A-K-E-R and if my father was here he would give the class a muffin.” Next girl says, “Hi, my name is…

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Kindergarten Homework Assignment

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and reltate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they’d found, the first little boy called upon walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. “It’s a period”, said the little boy. “Well,…

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Lifesavers

A man was doing a study of children’s senses in a first grade class using a bowl of lifesavers. He had the children put on a blindfold and identify the flavors. They began..cherry, red in color, lime, green in color, orange, orange in color. Then the man put in some honey flavored lifesavers and asked the children to identify that flavor. The kids couldn’t guess what the flavor was so the man said he would give them a hint. He…

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What’s the Lesson Here

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th Grade Class about the evils of liquor, so he developed an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. “Now, Class, observe these worms closely,” said the professor, putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm was put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully for a few seconds…

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Tainted Oranges!

Two men were going to go on a journey by rail. They’d never been on a train before and were rather nervous. They decided to take some oranges on the train with them, as eating oranges might help take their minds off the journey. The men bought their tickets and got on board. They bought the cheapest tickets, which were for the third class carriage. Third class had bare wooden seats and no lights. In spite of this, thetwo men…

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He Should’ve Become a Doctor

U.S. journalist and politician Horace Greeley was renowned for his illegible handwriting. He once wrote a note to a member of his staff on the New York Tribune, dismissing him for gross negligence of duty. Meeting Greeley several years later, the journalist told his former chief how useful his note of dismissal had proved. “I took it with me,” he said. “Nobody could read it, so I declared it a letter of recommendation, gave it my own interpretation, and obtained…

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