Few minutes Jokes - page 10

One day Roy was driving along when suddenly he spotted a rabbit in the middle of the road. He tried to swerve, but still ended up hitting it. Visibly shaken, Roy got out of the car and started weeping over what he had done. A few minutes later, a woman stops and asks him why he’s crying over the rabbit. “Because I killed it,” he replies. The woman took a closer look and says, “It’s still breathing. I can fix…

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One thing that has always bugged me is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this: Me: Hello? AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T… Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T… Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes This is AT&T… Me:…

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One day Mother sent my little brother to the post office to mail a letter. A few minutes later, he came back with a suspicious smile on his face. “What happened?” my mother asked. “I just fooled the people at the post office. When no one was looking, I dropped the letter into the box without buying any stamps.”

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The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven’s Ninth. In the piece, there’s a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some of them decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch and said, “Hey! We need to get back!” “No need to panic,” said…

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One day, a old lady decides to buy a parrot to keep her company. As soon as she brings it home…she sets it up in the corner in a nice cage, sits down, and starts to read a book. Pretty soon she hears…. “What the hell are you reading?” Astounded that her parrot talked like that, she told her parrot… “If I hear that out of you one more time, you will be punished.” A few minutes later, she hears……

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There is a blind man on his way to Texas for the first time. He is on the airplane, and he is in First Class. He goes to his seat, and feels them, they are huge. He asks the stewardess, “Aren’t these seats kinda’ big?” She replies, “Oh, everything’s bigger in Texas.” Then he gets to Texas, and he goes to his room. He walks, and walks and didn’t hit the wall for a few minutes, and he was walking…

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One day, a well-to-do lady was walking home and met an old beggar on the street. “Madame,” said the beggar, leaning over to pick up a rock from the side of the road, “I will eat this rock for your enjoyment.” Well, the lady had never seen a man eat a rock before, so she agreed. “First,” said the man, “I will need to cook it.” The lady agreed and took the man to her home, where she showed him…

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1. Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points. 2. Sit in the front and color in your textbook. 3. Introduce yourself to the class as the “master of the pan flute”. 4. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder. 5. Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In the middle of the lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask if he was ever in an episode…

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The Jumbo 747 had just reached cruising altitude on the flight from New York to Los Angeles when stewardess Cathy Moran brought the Captain and the Co-pilot hot cups of fresh coffee. “Thanks, gorgeous”, winked Captain Prescott. “You come up here and sit with me any time you want.” Cathy Moran was not flattered by his flirtations but she smiled and withdrew to resume her passenger duties. “Ladies and Gentlemen,” announced the pilot over the P.A. “This is your Captain…

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