Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful valley, where the grass grew green and the people were happy. A river flowed through the center of this valley, providing life and water to all who needed it. Also in this valley lived the Twids. The Twids were friendly people, but they were very small. In fact, Twids were about the height of an average person’s knees. Anyway, these twids lived happily and in harmony with the world around them. On…
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A magazine recently ran a “Dilbert quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are some of the submittals. 1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. 2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. 3. E-mail is not to be…
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A young man died somewhat before his time in a motor accident, and found himself in Hell. He sat in a hot ante-room surrounded by swirling sulphurous gases as he gloomily awaited his fate. He’d heard all the jokes. “OK lads, tea break’s over, back on your heads.” Being forced to listen to a continuous Barry Manilow tape. The electrodes on the goolies. It made him shiver. Finally Satan arrived, detected the young chap’s demeanour and said, “Hey, why so…
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There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later. At the seance, she called out, “John, John, this is Martha. Do…
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A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. “Guaranteed like heck,” he thinks to himself, “But let’s see what they think they can do.” He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight loss program. The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he…
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What does your profession say about you? ======================================= 1. MARKETING You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales. 2. SALES Laziest of all signs, often referred to as “marketing without a degree.” You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like…
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The Office of Personnel Management for the United States government today announced the 2001 holiday schedule for federal employees. There will be two fewer holidays in Washington, D.C., next year. Halloween and Thanksgiving have been cancelled. The witch is moving to New York, and she’s taking the turkey with her.
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A Preacher was concluding his Sunday sermon at the Church of the Ozarks when he said “Before we adjourn to Miss Ida’s fried chicken lunch, I’d like you to feel free to ask me any questions you have.” Miss Daisy, the most beautiful young lady in the congregation raised her hand. “Preacher,” she said, “Is sexual intercourse permitted on Sunday?” “Well I don’t know right off,” replied the Preacher, “but I’ll find the answer right here in the Good Book.”…
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With corporate mergers in the news these days, here are a few that might be fun. Xerox and Wurlitzer: To make reproductive organs. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers: The merged company will be called Fairwell, Honeychild Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Keebler: Will be renamed Poly Warner Cracker W.R Grace Co., Fuller Brush, Mary Kay Cosmetics and Hale Business Systems: Hale Mary, Fuller Grace 3M and Goodyear: Will be called MMMGood John Deere and Abitibi-Price: Will be Deere Abi Honeywell,…
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A man walks into a bar and asks for a shot. After he drinks it he looks into his shirt pocket shakes his head and asks for another one. This goes on for a few hours until the bartender starts getting curious. He walks up to the man and asks him what the hell he’s doing. “This is the way it goes”, he answers, “I have a picture of my wife in my pocket. I drink until she looks good…
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