F king Jokes - page 72

Nipples

One day a man walks up to a beautiful woman working in a library. “I’ll bet you three hundred dollars that by this time tomorrow your nipples will be gone” The woman is completely shocked and doesn’t know what to say. “I’m completely serious,” he says as he puts an envelope full of money on the counter “by this time tomorrow your nipples will be gone. You won’t see me until tomorrow and i will not attack you and slice…

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Hey masturbata!

(sung to tune of the Macarena) by Adam Sandler ************************************* Sitting in my house, and I know that I’m alona, Feeling kinda horny, got a jingle in my bona. Go and grab a Penthouse it’s the one with Sharon Stona. Hey Masturbata!! I go a little faster and its feeling kind of nicea, Once ain’t quite enough so I have to do it twicea. If you wanna spank the monkey I can give you good advicea. Hey Masturbata!! I use…

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Religious Thoughts

The other day I went into the local religious book store where I saw a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car and I’m really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at a light at a busy intersection, just lost in thoughts of the Lord and I didn’t notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots…

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chicken truck

One day this guy was driving a truck with his new pet parrot. He sees a hitch-hiker and pulls over to pick her up, but right before the girl gets in, the parrot says, “No fuck, no ride!” Horrified, the girl runs away. The truck driver says to the parrot, “That wasn’t nice!” He sees another girl goes to pick her up and the same thing happens. This time the truck driver says, “If you do that one more time…

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alien swapz

There was an alien man and a human man talking on a porch one day. They were talking about whos wife is better in bed. They eventually decide to switch girlfriends for one night. The alien took the human girl into his room and pulled off his pants. He was like 2 inches long. “I dont think this will work out” she said. So he smiles and pulls on his ear. It grows longer. The alien keeps doin this untill…

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The first cow

Can you imagine the first cow ever made? It would look at itself and say ‘omigod, look at me! I’m huge! I’ve got big, bulging muscles, I’ve got sharp things jabbing out the top of my head. I could kill any other animal in the kingdom. I’m gonna run to the top of this hill and let out a roar that’s gonna make every other animal in the kingdom wet themselves! Mooooooooooo’.

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I had a dream

This joke was originally created by my industrial arts teacher: One night I was working on a car. I was tired so I had a dream that I was a muffler. When I woke up, I was exhausted.

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the piano

Man walks into a bar. This man is carring a big, black, briefcase type of bag. He sits down at the bar and orders a drink. He removes a thimble from his pocket, pours a little of his drink in this thimble, and puts the thimble inside the bag. Bartender gets a little nosey, and asks what’s in the bag. Man holds up his finger as if to say “wait”, and begins to open the case at the top. He…

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Racing

Q. If 2 queers and 2 lesbians got in a race who would win?? A. The lesbians because they’re done licky split while the queers are still packing their shit.

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NAACP Versus Religion

The NAACP sent an agent to Alabama to check the progress in integration of churches. After a few weeks of checking around, he called headquarters to file his report. “How about the Catholics?” asks his boss. “The Catholics are doing okay; they got the right idea.” “What about the Methodists?” “They’ve come a long way,” says the agent. “They’re doing just fine.” “And the Baptists?” asks the boss. “I just want to know one thing,” he says. . . “When…

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