Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A bum asks a man for $2. The man asked, “Will you buy booze?” The bum said “No.” The man asked, “Will you gamble it away?” The bum said, “No.” Then the man asked, “Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or gamble?”
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A woman was sick of her husband’s drinking, and decided to teach him a lesson. She dressed up like Satan, and when her husband returned home from another bender, she jumped out from behind the couch and screamed. “You don’t scare me,” the man said, looking her over calmly. “I married your sister.”
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Matt And Lennie’s Do’s and Don’t Do’s… For making friends: DO – Show off your talents. DON’T – Shove a harmonica up your butt and play the national anthem. DO – Tell them about your interest in arts and film. DON’T – Tell them about your vast child porn collection. DO – Share your ideas. DON’T – Share your plan to pull down their pants in public and set their face on fire. DO – Help them with their problems.…
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A professor was walking along a very narrow lane when he came face to face with a rival professor. The lane was too narrow for both of them to pass at the same time. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily: “I never make way for fools!” Smiling, the professor stepped aside and said, “I always do.”
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Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur?s youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed. The question was: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the…
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King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful, and said that he’d see if he could come up with something, and asked him to come back in a week.. A week later King Arthur was back in Merlin’s laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a…
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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.” So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He…
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“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.” “What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!” “I know all that.” “Then why did you invite a friend for supper?” “Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”
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There was a man selling a horse, and beside that there was a bench. One day there were 2 girls sitting on the bench and the man said, “Do you want to buy my horse? He’s a very good horse but he don’t look so good,” the girls refused to buy the horse. A few days later a boy was sitting on the bench and he said, “Do you want to buy my horse? He’s a very good horse, but…
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A guy decides to take off work early from work and go drinking. He stays in the bar until it closes at 2 a.m. By then, he is extremely drunk. When he gets back to his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone up, so he takes off his shoes and starts tiptoeing up the stairs. Halfway up the stairs, he loses his balance, falls over backwards, and lands flat on his rear end. That wouldn’t have been so bad,…
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