Eye to eye Jokes - page 32

40th Birthday

An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed. Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, for there in front of him was a huge cake, with 40 marzipan eyes! The guest, asked him why he laughed, and after some minutes…

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Liz Taylor’s Operation

Liz Taylor’s Operation Liz Taylor goes in to see her cosmetic surgeon. “I have met the man of my dreams, finally, the love of my life!” she announces to the surgeon. “But I need you to help me with a small problem. This man is only 24-years-old, I am truly head over heels in love with him, and don’t want to disappoint him in any way, so I want you to make my vagina look like an 24-year-old’s.” The surgeon…

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Read JokeLiz Taylor’s Operation

Trip to Hawaii

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts and shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their “tourist”garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a “drop dead”…

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Spiritous Liquors

A deputation of concerned women came to Winston Churchill in order to protest his overconsumption of spiritous liquors. They said, “Mr. Churchill, if all the spirits you have drunk in your life were poured into this room, they would fill it to here.” Churchill regarded the imaginary line they had traced on the wall, and his eyes then went up to the ceiling, and he sighed, “So much to do, so little done.”

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Read JokeSpiritous Liquors

Quickie Blonde jokes

How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree. How did the blonde die drinking milk? The cow stepped on her. How did the blonde burn her nose? Bobbing for French fries. What do you see when you look into a blonde’s eyes? The back of her head. What is it when a blonde blows into another blonde’s ear? Data transfer Why did the blonde ask her friends to save burned-out light bulbs? She…

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Dr. Seuss on the Clinton Sex Scandal.

Mr Starr: I am Starr. Starr I are. I’m a brilliant barri-star. I’m here to ask, as you’ll soon see, Did you grope Miss Lew-in-sky? Did you grope her in your house? Did you grope beneath her blouse? Did she give you gifts and ties? Were you spied by prying eyes? Mr Clinton: I did not do that here or there! I did not do that anywhere! I did not do that in a chair! I went not near her…

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Read JokeDr. Seuss on the Clinton Sex Scandal.

A Tennessean Moves to New York

January 10: It’s 5pm. It’s starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we’ve seen in many years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the picture window watching the snow flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was so pristine and beautiful. Things could not be any better. January 11: We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a…

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DATING DICTIONARY

DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of time, money, and effort to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like at present and will learn to lake a lot less in the future. EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man. EYE CONTACT: A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women…

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Dr. Dolittle

At a medical convention, a male and female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands. After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go in and wash her hands. Once she comes back, they go…

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Read JokeDr. Dolittle

A Teacher’s Taste Test

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine. “Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these,” announced the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of…

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Read JokeA Teacher’s Taste Test