Ew Jokes - page 4

Good News Nurse

There is a guy who begins to suffer massive headaches. He goes to the doctor and says, “Hey doc, I?ve got these headaches… can you check it out and tell me what?s going on?” Doc says, “Sure, come on back in a couple days after we analyze some tests.” Guy comes back, and the doctor tells him, “We?ve got good news and bad news.” Guy says, “Let?s hear the bad news.” Doc sez, “You?ve got a week to live.” Guy…

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3 Newfies

One fine summer day three newfies decided to move to Alberta and find work. The first place they stopped at was Alberta Power and applied for labourer positions. The foreman for Alberta Power asked them if they had ever planted power line poles before to which they replied, “No bye, but we’s be fast learners and quick too.” So the foreman said, “Alright, show up tomorrow morning and I’ll give you a try.” The next morning the three newfies showed…

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new math

Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy Dumb man + smart woman = affair Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

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The New Car

An old lady just bought a brand new $35 million dollar car. As she was driving home she turned on the radio and it wouldn’t work. So she turned back around, went back to the dealership where she bought it and said she wanted a different car because her radio didn’t work. The dealer there said it worked, it was just voice activated. So on the way home she decided to try it out, she said ‘country’ and a George…

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Lil Johnny wants a new Bike

Little Johnny was so rotton that his mother didn’t know what to do with him. It was getting close to his birthday and he was demanding a new bicycle. His mother told him that he had been so bad during the year that he wasn’t going to get ANYTHING. He whined and complained and stamped his feet–demanding the bike. His mother, in desperation and just trying to shut him up, said, “Why don’t you write a letter to Jesus and…

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A few bar jokes

A white guy, a black guy, a Mexican, a Polish guy all walk into a bar. Bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?” A few termites walk into a bar and ask, “Is the bar tender here?” A giraffe walks into a bar and says, “Hey, the hi balls are on me!”

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Read JokeA few bar jokes

The Golden Screw

The parents of a newborn son were devastated to learn that their baby was born with a golden screw in his navel. Surgeons had never seen this before, and fearing it would harm the boy, refused to operate. The parents were very religious and accepted the birth defect as God’s will. The mother never gave up faith, and as her son grew up she prayed daily for God to cure him. The boy was very shy, always hiding his golden-screw…

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Bad News

There was a big snowfall in Washington, DC. President Clinton was working in the Oval Office and decided to take a break. He walked out onto the balcony and surveyed the beautiful new fallen snow on the lawn. He looked down from the balcony and was astonished to see written in the new snow in piss: “Clinton sucks”. Well, he was very upset, not only by what it said but what it was written with and that someone could get…

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