marriage
Did you hear, Monica Lewinsky is going to marry the unibomber? Her new name will be, Monica Lewinsky -Kuzinsky…… It’s a mouthful……. but she can handle it.
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Ew Jokes - page 33
40 years together
A man and a woman were married for 40 years. When they first got married the man said, “I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.” In all their 40 years of marriage the woman never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer bottles and $1874 in small bills.…
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Dog Story
This fellow was sitting at the counter in a truck stop diner eating lunch. He was rather small in stature, bespectacled, and wearing a suit with a bow-tie. On the stool next to him was his dog, an unusually-small, Mexican Chihuahua. He was surrounded by big rough-looking, rough-talking truck drivers, and he was catching a lot of ribbing about his tiny, little dog. He continued in silence eating his lunch. When he finished, he got off his stool, paid his…
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Tyson’s reinstatement
The “good” news is that Mike Tyson will once again be allowed to box, in Nevada. The BAD news is that he won’t be doing it at the supermarket…. The only “ring” that Mike Tyson should be allowed to step into, is the one located on the inside of a bathtub.
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A Fair Assumption
A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting on a bar stool alone. He walks up to her and says, “Hi there, how’s it going tonight?” She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, “I’ll screw anybody at any time, anywhere — your place or my place, it doesn’t matter to me.” The guy raises his eyebrows and says, “No shit, what law firm do you work for?”
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If NOAH was in the USA today…..
The Lord spoke to Noah and said, “In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.” In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed…
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Three Weddings
Weddings: A Jewish father, Moishe, was beset by his eldest son Yitzak… “Father, I am going to marry!” His father begins to dance with joy and sing Hava Naghila… “Tell me, is she a good Jewish girl?” says the father.. “What is her name?” “O’Brien,” replies the son. “She’s Catholic…” “Oy!” says the father. “But are you happy?” “I’m happy,” says the son. “Ok…as long as you’re happy….my blessings to you both,” replies Moishe. But the father is still counting…
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How many elephants…
How many elephants does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but how’d they get into the lightbulb?
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Top 20 things to do in a grocery store
1. Every time someone calls for a price check, start gobbling like a turkey and run up and down the aisle you’re in until someone asks you what’s wrong. When this happens, walk away passively, cursing under your breath that people are so weird these days. 2. When greeted with a friendly “hello” from your bag-boy, reply, repeating loudly: “No, my name’s not Fred!” while spinning around violently for 30 seconds straight. Try to walk out of the store in…
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Mooching Again
Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson’s house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something. “He won’t get away with it this time,” muttered Robinson to his wife. “Watch this.” “Er, I wonder if you’d be using your power saw this morning,” the neighbor began. “Gee, I’m awfully sorry,” said Robinson, with a smug look, “but the fact of the matter is, I’ll be using it all day.” “In that case,” said the neighbor, “you won’t be…
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