Ell Jokes - page 65

Little Johnny’s Reward

This voluptuous young blonde owns a small hairy dog that goes by the name of Titswiggle. She adores the dog so much that she treats it as one of the family. One day, after coming home from work, she discovers her beloved dog has run away from home. Frantically she goes around the neighborhood searching every nook and cranny and calling out her dog’s name. She is so desperate that she resorts to knocking on the doors of her neighbors’…

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Ready for more

An 85 year old man marries a lovely 25 year old woman. Because her new husband is so old the woman decides that on their wedding night they should have separate suites. She is concerned that the old fellow could overexert himself. After the festivities she prepares herself for bed and for the knock on the door she is expecting. Sure enough the knock comes and there is her groom ready for action. They unite in conjugal union and all…

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The perfect man

The Perfect Man —————- The perfect man is gentle Never cruel and never mean He has a beautiful smile And keeps his face so clean. The perfect man loves children And will raise them by your side He will be a good father And a good husband to his bride. The perfect man loves cooking Cleaning and vacuuming too He’ll do anything in his power To convey his love to you. The perfect man is sweet Writing poetry from your…

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Panda defined

A panda is walking down the Main Street when he is approached by a “Lady of the Night”. She says, “Hello darling, would you like a nice time?” The Panda says, “Um, yes why not?” So they both go back to the lady’s apartment. She makes a fabulous dinner, with every dish imaginable, provides drinks, plays good music. The inevitable happens. They go to bed and have a really great night. In the morning the Panda gets up, has a…

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Timbuktu

A nationwide poetry contest was being held for college students. It was down to the two finalists: a sharp female english student at Harvard, and a redneck from Alabama State. The judges gave the finalists the same word, and they had to make an impromptu poem out of that word. The audience?s favorite poem would win the contest. The Harvard english student was picked to go first, and the word was ?Timbuktu.? So she thought for a couple minutes, got…

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Extra Money

This girl needed some money, so she is doing odd-jobs around her neighborhood. She decides she’s not making enough money, so she goes to a rich neighborhood. She walks up to this house and rings the doorbell. The guy answers and tells her she can paint the porch. He gives her a can of paint and $25. When he goes inside, his wife says, “$25! Does she know that the porch wraps all the way around the house?” “Oh, she’ll…

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Good Old Grandpa

After a complete physical checkup, the doctor asks Dave Reynolds how old he is. “I’m 60, doc” says Dave. “Well, that’s astonishing, Mr. Reynolds,” comments the doctor, “You’ve got the body of a 35-year old. You might live forever. How old was your father when he passed away?” “Pardon me, doc, did I say he’d passed away?” says Dave. “He’s 82 years old and skis all winter and surfs all summer.” “That’s remarkable” says the doctor. “How old was your…

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Substitute

One day as George is sitting in class the teacher is asking everybody questions about their parents and what they do for a living. Everybody replies with doctor, engineer, architect, etc. When it’s Geore’s turn, he tells the teacher that his mom works as a substitute. The teacher asks what kind of substitute and George says, “I don’t know… she just wears high heels and a very short, tight skirt and walks around the street at night.” The teacher giggles.…

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Woo Woo Woo!

There were two Indians and a Polish fellow walking in the desert together, when suddenly one of the Indians took off and ran up a hill to the mouth of a cave. Then, he hollered into the cave, “Woo! Woo! Woo! A moment later, the Indian heard a response, “Woo! Woo! Woo!” so he tore off his clothes and ran into the cave. The puzzled Polish fellow asked the other Indian what that was all about, and the Indian replied,…

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Early Warning Signs of Stupidity

1. When you’re playing the piano, you frequently lose your grip on the bow. 2. You go to bed and accidentally fluff up your head. 3. You’re absolutely convinced nostalgia is a thing of the past. 4. You go to bed and purposely fluff up your head. 5. You purchase season tickets to the Super Bowl. 6. You have trouble picking your shadow out of a crowd. 7. You’ve caught yourself waving “Goodbye” instead of “Hello” when answering the telephone.…

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Read JokeEarly Warning Signs of Stupidity