Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
The Pope and President Clinton just happened to die on the same day. Now obviously the Pope was to go to heaven and Clinton was supposed to go to hell. Somehow this gets crossed up. God and Satan realized their error and Satan sent the Pope up and God sent Clinton down. They just happened to meet in the middle, so they stopped to chit-chat for a minute. Clinton asked the pope,”What had you hoped to do when you got…
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Once there was a man who went to play golf with his priest. He was on the third hole and only 3 feet away from the hole. He putted his shot and missed. “God Damn it!” the man yelled. The priest replied that it was a sin to say God’s name in vain. The man saw that his priest was correct and apologized. Later he was on the 15th hole and only 2 feet away, when he missed the shot…
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A man was paying his lawyer a visit. The lawyer said, “I have bad news and worse news for you.” The man said, “Give me the bad news first.” “Your wife has gotten hold of a picture worth half a million dollars!” “That’s bad news? What could be worse than that?” asked the man. “Well, it’s a picture of you and your secretary.”
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Things Dogs Must Try To Remember…. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. I will not eat the cats’ food, before or after they eat it. I will…
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A sailor met a good-looking blonde at the bar and was trying to get laid without much success. “I don’t date servicemen,” she said, “but I am curious as to why you sailors have those two rows of buttons on your pants.” “Why, that’s because we have two dicks,” the sailor replied. “Interesting. Probably twice as much fun, I would think,” replied the blonde. “Let’s go to my place and try them out.” So they did, and after the first…
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A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. “Do you have ‘Eyes of Blue’ and ‘A Love Supreme’?” she asked. “Well, no,” answered the puzzled homeowner. But I HAVE got a wife and eleven children.” “Is that a record?” she inquired. “I don’t think so,” replied the man, “but it’s as close as I want to get to setting one.”
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Stupid people should have to wear signs that say, “I’M STUPID!” That would save the rest of us “normal” folks a lot of headaches. We wouldn’t rely on them or expect much from them. It would be like, “Oh, excuse me. Never mind. I just noticed your sign.” It’s like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes, and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says, “Hey, you moving?”…
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Not likely to find these cards at your local Hallmark store…. “Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.” “How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?” “I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I’ve changed my mind.” “I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you.” “Looking back over the years that we’ve been…
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Types of Farting People The Vain Person One who loves the smell of his own farts. The Amiable Person One who loves the smell of other people’s farts. The Proud Person One who thinks his farts are exceptionable fine. The Shy Person One who releases silent farts then blushes. The Imprudent Person One who boldly farts out loud, and then laughs. The Unfortunate Person One who tries hard to fart, but shits instead. The Scientific Person One who farts frequently,…
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This couple had been married for about five years, and one day, as they are out working in the yard, the man tells his wife, “Man! Your butt is getting fat!” She gets ticked off and moves to another part of the yard. The husband follows her and says, “You know, looking at that big gas grill over there, I’ll bet your butt is as big as that grill. It’s HUGE!” The wife gets really mad, tells him HE can…
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