Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Hello! Sorry, I can’t come take your call right now. ALL MY CHILDREN are YOUNG AND RESTLESS, so I have to SEARCH FOR TOMORROW and today to find them. I am praying that the GUIDING LIGHT will remind them that the DAYS OF OUR LIVES are growing short. They will wind up in GENERAL HOSPITAL with only ONE LIFE TO LIVE, even if I do think they are BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL, if they’re not careful. And if they don’t straighten…
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A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, “I had an affair with a woman – almost.” The priest says, “What do you mean, ‘almost’?” The man says, “Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.” The priest replies, “Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.” The man leaves confessional, goes over and…
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Two moose hunters from Texas are flown into a remote lake in Alaska. They have a good hunt, and both manage to get a large moose. When the plane returns to pick them up, the pilot looks at the animals and says, “This little plane won’t lift all of us, the equipment, and both of those animals – you’ll have to leave one. We’d never make it over the trees on the take off.” “That’s baloney,” says one of the…
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Memo To: All Employees Subject: New Policies Sick Days: We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Surgery: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. Bereavement Leave: This is no excuse…
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One morning, a gentleman boarded a plane headed for Rome. Within several minutes of finding his seat, a rumor began to circulate about the plane that the Pope would be on this very flight. Being Catholic, and therefore a rather large fan of the Holy Father, he of course hoped that the Pope’s seat would be in close proximity to his so that they might be able to converse on their way to the Holy City of Rome. No sooner…
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“Information. May I help you?” “I’d like the number of the Theatre Guild, please.” “One moment, please. (Pause) I’m sorry, Sir, but I have no listing for a Theodore Guild.” “No, no. Is isn’t a person. It’s an organization. It’s Theater Guild.” “I told you, Sir, I have no listing for a Theodore Guild.” “Not *Theodore!* *Theater!* The word is *Theater.* T-H-E-A-T-E-R!” “That, SIR, is NOT the way you spell *Theodore.*” Giving up, the man said, “OK. Then give me…
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A woman went to see her doctor about a problem–her husband’s snoring. “Isn’t there anything you can do, Doctor?” “Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really quite expensive. It will cost $1000 down, with payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras.” “My goodness!” the woman exclaimed, “sounds like leasing a new sports car!” “Hmmm,” the doctor murmured, “guess I was too obvious, huh?”
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A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, “But why?” he asked. “Nothin, I just wanna quit that’s all,” she said sullenly. “Look, I’ll give you a raise.” “No,” she said “You can’t just quit like that. There must be a…
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Two people in their mid-seventies have been seeing each other socially for nearly two years. They have even traveled together but always took separate hotel rooms. One evening at dinner, old Bert says to Edna, “I been thinking, and we’re wasting a heluva lot of money. We pay rent on two apartments, insurance on two cars, two cable bills, two phones…there ain’t no end to it.” “What are you saying, Bert?” asks Edna sweetly. “Hell, we should move in together”…
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A guy walks into a gas station and buys a pack of cigarettes. He pulls one out and starts smoking it. The cashier says, “Excuse me, Sir, but you can’t smoke in here.” The guy says, “Don’t you think it’s kinda dumb that I can BUY them here but can’t SMOKE then here?” And cashier quickly replies, “Not at all . . . we also sell condoms and toilet paper here.”
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