Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer’s file and called him into his office. “Mr. James, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you’re ready to go home. I’m only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck.” “Oh, he didn’t kill himself,” Mr. James replied. “I hung him…
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Mess Test :Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fishstick behind the TV and leave it there all summer. Toy Test: Buy a 55-gallon drum of Lego. (If Lego’s are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks.) Have a friend spread them all over the house and stairways. Put on a blindfold and remove your shoes and socks. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream, as this could wake the child at night.…
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An 87 year old lady was going through some tough times and was very discouraged and depressed. She decided she did not want to live anymore and contemplated the different methods of suicide. Finally, she decided that shooting herself directly into the heart would be her best chance of success. Since she wanted precise accuracy, she called her family Doctor and under the pretext of just wanting to learn more about her heart asked him to tell her the exact…
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There was a black man, white man, and a dumb man at work. Then it was time for lunch. The 3 men sat down to begin their lunch. The black man opened his lunch to see a tuna fish sandwhich. He said, “If I get another sandwich with tuna fish in it, I am going to kill myself!” Then the white man opened his lunch to see a peanut butter sandwich. He said, “If I get another peanut butter sandwich,…
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TEN simple indications that the person next to you on the subway is “Nuts”. (A Luis G. Moreno original) 10.The guy next to you points out a location on the subway map with his toes. 9.The lady next to you makes “chomping” noises with her teeth at everyone, indicating that she wants some gum. 8.The person next to you repeatedly sits and stands on the seat beside you claiming, “I’m ..not…..NUTS!…I’m ..not ….NUTS!” 7.The lady next to you looks at…
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Men think computers should be referred to as females, just like ships, because: 1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic. 2. The language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. The message “Bad command or file name” is about as informative as “If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, I’m certainly not going to tell you.” 4. Your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval. 5.…
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A really huge, muscular guy with a bad stutter, goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-en’s dep-p-p-partment?” The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. Finally, the guy storms off in anger!!! The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, “Why wouldn’t you answer that guy’s question?” The clerk replies, “D-d-d-do…
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A couple is golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband says, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don’t knock out any windows – It’ll cost us a fortune to fix.” The wife tees up and promptly shanks it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringes and says, “I told you to watch out for the houses!…
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For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face. She called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen. The teacher tried everything.…
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The Welfare Department received these letters from American citizens: 1. I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead. 2. Unless I get my husband’s money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life. 3. I want money as quick as I can get it, so I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn’t do me any good. If things don’t improve I will have to send…
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