Elevator Jokes - page 2

You are from a small town, when…..

During a storm you check the cattle before you check the kids. You are related to more than half the town. You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance. Your car breaks down outside of town and news of it gets back to town before you do. Without thinking, you wave to all oncoming traffic. You don’t buy all your vegetables at the grocery store. You don’t put too much effort into hairstyles due…

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Scent of the Day

This little old lady lives New York and after a long day goes home to her hotel. She passes the doorman and heads for the elevator. She pushes her floor, number 15, and the elevator begins to rise, but eventually stops on the third floor. Suddenly, this beautiful brunette walks into the elevator. As the elevator resumes ascending, the old lady begins sniffing the brunette. The brunette tosses her hair back and says, “Calvin Klein, $75 an ounce.” The elevator…

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Bad English

English in Non-English Speaking Countries! Examples of how English is being used in different parts of the world: In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis. In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In…

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Funny epitaphs

These epitaphs were taken from actual tombstones: On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: “Here lies Ezekial Aikle Age 102 The Good Die Young.” In a London, England cemetery: “Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid, But died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767” In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: “The children of Israel wanted bread And the Lord sent them manna, Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna.”…

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Bill Gates VS Pearly Gates

Well it came to pass, that the richest man in the world had finally expired. Bill Gates shows up one fine heavenly day at the Pearly Gates and beckons on St. Peter… ST. PETE: “Well Mr. Gates, it appears there has been a mistake here, I don’t see your name on the list. BILL: “Are you sure, search again” ST. PETE:” OK, let’s see, theres, Jobs, Woz, Ellison, Clark, NOPE! No Gates!” “Sorry, Mr. Gates but unfortunately money can’t buy…

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Turner Brown

A small white guy went into an elevator, when he got in he noticed a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black guy looked down upon the small white guy and said, “7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown.” The small white guy fainted!! The huge black dude picked up the little white guy and brought him to, slapping his face and shaking him. He asked…

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Hit the floor…..

An elderly woman went to Chicago representing her small church delegation at a religious conference. After checking into the hotel, she entered the elevator to go to her room. When she looked up, she noticed that there were two incredibly large black men in the elevator next to another mid-size black man. Being from a small town and having never been to the big city, the woman was terrified. As the elevator door closed and the woman turned around one…

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Art of Recruiting

One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had an executive make it this far, and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”…

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Head and Shoulders

There is a brunette, a blonde, and a red head riding in an elevator when a man walks in the elevator. He rides for a minute then gets off. The red head says, “Did you see that guys head?” Then the brunette says, “Yeah, I want to give him some head and shoulders!” Then the blonde askes, “How do you give shoulders?”

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In a Pinch

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed up against a gorgeous blonde. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, “That will teach you to pinch me!!!” Bewildered, Mr. Wilson, in shock, was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, “I…I…didn’t pinch that girl.” “Of course, you didn’t,” said his wife, consolingly. “I did.”

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