Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
On January 1, 2000, do not open any email, do not go anywhere, do not eat anything , do not wake up, because the world will be infected with a non-life-threatening virus known as the “Holy Shit, the World is Still Here!” virus. It will infect every human being alive who believes their car, refrigerator, microwave, condom dispenser and sphincter muscle are going to shut down due to the terrible Y2K virus. (Although this WILL happen to redneck towns more…
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Debbie wasn’t home, and it was getting awfully late. Not knowing any of her girlfriend’s phone numbers, her Mother fired up Debbie’s computer and saw a list of e-mail addresses. She sent a note to each name asking if they knew where her daughter was. Within twenty minutes, she got back 16 replies, all saying that she wasn’t to worry, that Debbie was spending the night at HER house and was sorry she had neglected to telephone.
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A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lb. due to very serious health risk. As he wondered how the heck he was ever going to do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM. “Guaranteed like hell,” he thought to himself, but desperate, he called them up and subscribed to the 3-day, 10-lb. weight loss program. The next day there was a knock at the door and when he answered,…
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There was a blonde driving down the center of the road going 100 mph. A police officer pulled her over. When she had finally stopped, the officer said, “License and Registration, please.” “It’s okay, Officer, I have a special license that allows me to drive this way,” she said, smiling. “That’s impossible!” the officer replied. “I’ve never heard of such a license.” The blonde reached into her purse and handed him her license. Astonished, the office said, “Just as I…
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The Top Ten Ways to Tell if Martha Stewart is Stalking Your Dog: 10. There’s potpourri hanging from his/her collar. 9. The dog’s nails have been cut with pinking shears. 8. The dog’s toys are all stored in McCoy crocks. 7. The pooper scooper has been decorated with raffia bows. 6. The telltale lemon slice in the new silver water bowl. 5. You find liver and whole wheat dog treats stamped out with copper cookie cutters and decorated with royal…
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Santa Claus: An engineer’s perspective I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each. II.…
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Chicken Anyone? Why did the chicken cross the road? Kindergarten Teacher: To get to the other side. Plato: For the greater good. Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads. Buddha: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature. Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was. Karl Marx: It was an historically inevitability. Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world…
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Just after classes resumed from Christmas break, a young girl was telling her teacher what he had received from Santa. “Me got a Barbie from Santa,” said the little girl. “I got a Barbie from Santa,” corrected the teacher. “Me, too!” replied the child.
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There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants that would probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time to study them. Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes referred to as “mother”, although she didn’t mean to imply by this term that she would have thought less of the person if a close…
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Little Johnny walked into a grocery store and selected a large box of laundry detergent and took it to the counter. The clerk said, “You must have a large load of clothes to wash.” “Oh no,” said Johnny, “I’m going to give my dog a bath.” “I don’t think that is the right soap to use to bathe your dog,” said the clerk. “It’ll do,” said Johnny, as he paid the clerk and walked out. A few days later Johnny…
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