Eclare Jokes - page 4

Yo mamma — THE LIST

YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll over twice to get off…

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Country Humor

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks . . . Rufus and Clarence. They lived on opposite sides of the river, and they hated each other. Every morning, just after sunrise, Rufus and Clarence would go down to their respective sides of the river and yell at each other. “RUFUS!!” Clarence would shout. “You better thank your lucky stars that I can’t swim . . . or I’d swim this river and whup your butt!!”…

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Successful Marriage

The Rosenthals had an outstandingly happy and successful marriage, and Mr. Rosenthal was once asked to what he attributed this remarkable situation. “It’s simple,” he said. “Division of labor. My wife makes all the small, routine decisions. She decides what house we buy, when we need new cars, where we go on vacation, whether the kids go to private schools, if I should change my job, and so on.” “And you?” “I make the big, fundamental decisions. I decide if…

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Student Bloopers: The World According to………..

One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following “history” of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot. The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of…

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His Taste In Women

George accosted his neighbor and asked, “Hey, Jerry, do you like middle-aged women with thin, wispy mustaches?” “Of course not,” replied Jerry emphatically. “Do you like women who are so fat that they look like they’re pregnant?” “I wouldn’t touch them with a ten-foot pole,” Jerry avowed steadfastly. “How about women with breasts sagging down to their navels?” “Yuck! Absolutely not! They don’t turn me on,” Jerry declared resolutely. “Then tell me this. Why are you screwing around with my…

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He Should’ve Become a Doctor

U.S. journalist and politician Horace Greeley was renowned for his illegible handwriting. He once wrote a note to a member of his staff on the New York Tribune, dismissing him for gross negligence of duty. Meeting Greeley several years later, the journalist told his former chief how useful his note of dismissal had proved. “I took it with me,” he said. “Nobody could read it, so I declared it a letter of recommendation, gave it my own interpretation, and obtained…

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Outdoor Irish Adventure

Three Irishmen arrive at the local pet store in county Armagh and buy all the parrots and all the budgerigars in the shop. They stuff the birds into a bag and declare to the shop owner that they are off for an outdoor adventure. The shop owner is a bit concerned about why the three men would want so many parrots and budgees, so he waits until they are gone and follows them in his car. The Irishmen drive to…

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