Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Ahmed was a high-ranking courtier in King Akbar’s court. However, he had one longstanding wish–to suck the queen’s voluptuous breasts to his mind’s desire. Every time he passed the queen, he would get frustrated. He would spend the entire day thinking of ways of achieving this, but knew King Akbar’s sword would meet his neck if he did so. One day he revealed his desire to Birbal, the King’s trusted advisor, and begged him to do something about it. Birbal,…
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A very inebriated lady walks into a bar shortly before closing time, sits at the bar and orders, “Barbender, Barbender, I would like a Martoutsy.” The bartender brings her a Martini, which she drinks in one gulp. “Barbender, I would like another Martoutsy.” Again, the bartender brings her a Martini. By this time, the lady is leaning heavily forward, barely able to hang on. She calls, “Barbender, your Martoutsys are giving me heartburn.” Patiently, the bartender comes near her and…
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1. Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points. 2. Sit in the front and color in your textbook. 3. Introduce yourself to the class as the “master of the pan flute”. 4. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder. 5. Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In the middle of the lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask if he was ever in an episode…
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What follows is the Commencement address that was thought to have been given by: Kurt Vonnegut recently at MIT **************************************** Turns out that he didn’t, but it got back to him, he read it, and said he wished that he had written it. Lenochka **************************************** Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’98: Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,…
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An Israeli doctor said, “In Israel, medicine is so advanced, we can replace a man’s kidney and have him looking for work in six weeks.” The German doctor said, “That’s nothing. In Germany, we can replace a man’s lung and have him looking for work in four weeks.” The Russian doctor exclaimed, “Pah! In Russia, we can take half a heart from one man, put it in another man, and have both of them looking for work in two weeks.”…
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A poem for you I woke early one morning, The earth lay cool and still, When suddenly a tiny bird, Perched on my window sill, He sang a song so lovely So carefree and so gay, That slowly all my troubles, Began to slip away. He sang of far off places Of laughter and of fun, It seemed his very trilling, Brought up the morning sun. I stirred beneath the covers, Crept slowly out of bed, Then gently shut the…
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A man returns home early from a business trip to find his wife in bed with another man. He yells, “What on earth are you doing?!!” The wife then turns to the other man and says, “See I told you he was stupid.”
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Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results: Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth. Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool. Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, annoying; a pain in the ass. Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy. Drink: Mixed Drinks Personality: Older, has picky taste; knows what…
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You receive a $300 bill from your tree surgeon and you live in an apartment. The plumber tells you it would be cheaper to install a diving board than to drain the cellar. You bear a striking resemblance to this week’s prime suspect on America’s Most Wanted. The Dialing for Dollars host quizzes you about the only John Wayne film you haven’t seen. Your heart medication has been replaced with sugar pills and a note that says “April fools!” You…
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A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and reltate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they’d found, the first little boy called upon walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. “It’s a period”, said the little boy. “Well,…
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