Ears Jokes - page 51

Jewish Country Western Titles

TOP 20 JEWISH COUNTRY-WESTERN SONG TITLES 20. “If You Want to Play in Tel Aviv, You Gotta’ Have a Clarinet in the Band” 19. “I’ve Got Your Yarmulke, She’s Got You” 18. “You Put Out All The Candles On The Menorah Of My Heart” 17. “Achey-Breakey Matzoh” 16. “I Got Friends in Low Synagogues” 15. “My New Rabbi’s Named Jack Daniels” 14. “Bubba Shot the Cantor” 13. “Honkey Tonk Nights on the Golan Heights” 12. “My Rowdy Friend Elijah’s Comin’…

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Pete & Larry

Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally, Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment. “I got a wife and three kids and I’d love to have you visit us.” “Great. Where do you live?” “Here’s the address. And there’s plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front…

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Nursing Home Conditions

A son came to the conclusion that he must put his dad in a nursing home, because his father could no longer get around. His father called him after the first night and said, “Son I’m so glad you put me in here.” “Why Dad?” his son asked “Because I woke up today with the biggest erection, I’ve had in years. And the nurse saw it and gave me oral sex.” “That’s great, Dad!” the son replied and they both…

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George W. & Moses

George W. is walking in the airport when he sees a man with a long white beard and long white hair. George W. walks up to him and asks him if he is Moses. The man doesn’t say anything and keeps on walking away. George W. is puzzled and catches up with the old man and again asks him if he is Moses. The old man looks at him, then walks away even faster. Now, George W. is really getting…

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Driving in China

I have always been a critic of Seattle driving, but recently I had a chance to see how others drive in far away countries, such as China. Since then, I have developed a profound respect for how we drive here in the Northwest. Why? What could be so bad about the driving in China? Here is a collection of short observations I have made riding in the Great Country of China. While Driving in China……………………… Traffic signals are (how should…

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Rules For Women

1. Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. 2. Remember, you are known by the idiot you accompany. 3. Don’t imagine you can change a man, unless he’s in diapers. 4. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? SHUT THE DOOR! 5. So many men — so many reasons not to sleep with any of them. 6. If they put a man on the moon, we should be able…

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We’ll cross THAT bridge…

There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence. This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and “whip Clarence’s butt.” He left…

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Dear Hubby

The husband was furious when he found out the checking account was empty. When he confronted his wife, she simply said, “It’s my turn.” “What do you mean, your turn?” yelled the husband. “In bed,” she explained, “you’ve been making early withdrawals for years. Now, it’s my turn.”

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towel drop

A woman had just gotten out of the shower where husband is now. She hears a knock at the door and without thinking of the towel around her being the only thing covering her she answers it. At the door stands her husband’s friend John. “Yes, can I help you?” she asks. “Well”, replies John, “I’ll give you $150 to drop that towel of yours!” Overwhelmed by the offer she blushes, but decides she could use the money so agrees…

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Drums In Borneo

An anthropologist was assigned to Borneo, where he hired a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site where he would make his collections. At noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. “What are those drums?” asked the anthropologist, knowing they were in cannibal country. The guide turned to him and said “No worry. Drums OK, but very bad when they stop.” They both went ghostly…

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