Dr dre Jokes - page 11

Ten things only WOMEN Understand….

10. Why it’s good to have five pairs of black shoes. 9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white. 8. Crying can be fun. 7. FAT CLOTHES. 6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch. 5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a “peak life experience”. 4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. 3. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is…

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Wrong Number

A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. “Do you have ‘Eyes of Blue’ and ‘A Love Supreme’?” she asked. “Well, no,” answered the puzzled homeowner. But I HAVE got a wife and eleven children.” “Is that a record?” she inquired. “I don’t think so,” replied the man, “but it’s as close as I want to get to setting one.”

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Three wishes

There was once three black men. Two of them wanted to be white but the third insisted that color is no diffirence. One day they were walking on a sandpath and found a lamp. They started rubbing it and a ginnie came out. The ginnie granted one wish for each one of them. The first, following his dream, wished to be white. With a snap of his finger, the ginnie turned him white. The seconed wished for the same and…

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The Little Pirate

It’s Halloween and little Johnny is Trick-or-Treating and is dressed up as a pirate. He comes up to a house and a nice old lady answers the door. The lady looks at Johnny and says, ‘What a cute pirate. Where are your little buccaneers??’ Johnny looks at the lady and says, ‘They’re under my buck’en (F*****G) hat!!’

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You MIGHT be a Yankee if….

…You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY! …The sound of Fran Drescher’s voice doesn’t bother you. …For breakfast, you’d rather have potatoes than grits. …You can name at least 4 hockey teams. …You don’t know what a moon pie is. …You’ve never eaten Okra. …You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show. …You don’t have any problems pronouncing “Worcestershire sauce” correctly. …You’ve never had grain alcohol. …You are familiar with all the rules to Lacrosse. …You have no…

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ya mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo mamma — THE LIST YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll…

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Everybody’s Free (To Embrace the Dark Side of the Force)

This appeared in a local Sunday magazine recently. For those unfamiliar with the Star Wars saga, James Earl Jones was the voice of that great villain Darth Vader. But those Star Wars fans will surely appreciate this fanciful article : Supposedly James Earl Jones is Vassar College’s Commencement speaker for this year. Oddly, this event coincides with the release of the much awaited “Phantom Menace” and the unexpected popularity of Baz Luhrmann’s “Sunscreen Song” (which, if you haven’t had your…

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social security

One Sunday an elderly man tells his wife he is going to apply for Social Security. She tells him, “You can’t apply for benefits when you don’t even have a Social Security card!” He simply says, “Watch me.” Monday morning he dresses and off to the Social Security office he goes. When he returns, he says, “Well, I got it!” She asks, “How in the world did you get Social Security?” “I just opened up my shirt and showed them…

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‘Schultz is dead!’

A man was walking through the park when he noticed a woman crying her heart out. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Schultz is dead! Schultz is dead! Boo hoo hoo!” the woman sobbed. Since he did not know who Schultz was, the man moved on. Then he came upon another woman crying. “Schultz is dead!” wailed this woman. The man just went on his way. Along the way, he met another woman crying. Then another. And another. And another. All of…

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Art Appreciation

Pablo Picasso visited his local cabinetmaker to commission a mahogany wardrobe for his chateau. To illustrate the shape and dimensions he required, he drew a hasty sketch on a sheet of paper and handed it to the craftsman. “How much will it cost?” he asked. “Nothing at all,” replied the cabinetmaker. “Just sign the sketch.”

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