Dow Jokes - page 107

Old-age Driver

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!” “Hell,” said Herman, “It’s not just one car, it’s hundreds of them!”

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Read JokeOld-age Driver

You have been a techie too long if . . .

You have had you tech job for too long if: 1)You know all your co-worker’s IP addresses but forget their names 2)You know co-worker’s ICQ # but havent seen them face to face in over a month 3)You send an email as URGENT rather than walking down the hall to talk to the person. 4)You would rather use your breaks to surf the web instead of getting out of your chair 5)You check your email more than 10 times an…

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Read JokeYou have been a techie too long if . . .

The birth of a candy bar

The birth of a candy bar. One day Mr. Big was feeling down on himself so he took Mrs. Hershey to the Pot o Gold motel on Fifth Ave. He began to feel her Mounds. That was pure Almond Joy. Then she she squeezed his big Turk and grabbed his M n M’s. That made him Snicker and he put his ButterFinger into her Milky Way. She screamed, “You’re even better than the Three Musketeers!” A few months later, she…

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Read JokeThe birth of a candy bar

Walk in the park

A guy is walking in a park and sees this good looking blonde sitting at a park bench petting a dog. He walks up to her and says, “Does your dog bite?” She says, “No, my dog doesn’t bite.” So, he bent down to pet the dog and it lunged at him. The man said, “Hey, I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!” The blonde replies, “This isn’t my dog.”

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Read JokeWalk in the park

Nice Guy Test

The Nice Guy 1. How do you typically look when you arrive to pick up your date? A. I wear my church clothes B. I like to dress up. Sometimes I bring a small present or flowers C. I dress casually unless I am very impressed with the woman D. I’m late, dress as I want, and if I bring anything it’s a sixpack of beer E. I take a knife 2.”Women are special.” Is this statement true? A. Yes,…

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Carjacking Foiled:

An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found 4 males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice that she knows how to use it and that she will if required…. so get out of the car. The 4 men didn’t wait around for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, where upon the lady proceeded to load her shopping…

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Read JokeCarjacking Foiled:

New Lawyer

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As…

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contagious condition

This woman went to the gynecologist, and when asked what was the problem she responded, “Well, whenever I take off my clothes my nipples get hard.” Shocked, the doctor took a deep breath then asked, “Your nipples get hard?” “Yes,” quite innocently came her reply. “Undress so I can check,” replied the still amazed doc. So she undressed, and he got down to the feeling and massaging, trying to reach an answer. After some considerable time the doctor, still looked…

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Read Jokecontagious condition

25 pounds

My neighbor was sitting on his porch and he looked pretty annoyed. I asked him what was wrong. He told me about his problems with cloth diapers — smelly, dirty. I told him to buy the disposable kind. So the next day he was on his porch again. He still looked kind of annoyed. I asked him how the disposable diapers were working out. Before he had a chance to answer, the kid came out with his pants sagging down.…

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Read Joke25 pounds