Doe Jokes - page 31

Not-so-secret male handbook

Not-So-Secret Male Handbook 1. Practice grunting 5 times a day. While some may find it acceptable to grunt only before the morning coffee, the true male will only answer in monosyllabic form, except for emergencies, i.e.. when some portion of your body is on fire. 2. Never ask for directions. Ever. Even if you find yourself crossing the state line when all you wanted was to go buy some ammo. 3. Never ever show emotion. No exceptions. Including the emergency…

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My thoughts, from my mind….

If your goal in life is to do as little as possible, and you get away with that…does that make you successful? If love is blind and marriage is an institution, does that mean that marriage is an institution for the blind? If you can buy more memory for your computer…why can’t people? What does an imperfect stranger look like? The term “free gift” never made sense to me…has anybody ever said to you…”I bought you a gift, now that…

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Blonde Jokes… A List

How do you confuse a blonde boy? You put him in a circular room and tell him to pee in the corner. Why do blondes wear underwear? To keep their ankles warm. Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies? Because the sign said, “Seventeen and under not admitted.” What do you call a blonde holding a dollar over her head All you can eat under a buck A dumb blonde and a smart blonde jump off of a roof.…

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Pregnancy FAQs

Q. Should I have a baby after 35? A. No, you’ve done more than your share with 35 children. Q. I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A. With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving? A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant. Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational. A. So what’s your question? Q. When is…

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That’s a Cow?

On his first date with a woman who wasn’t overly intelligent, Ogden decided to take her to the county fair. While walking around and looking at all the festivities, they came to the area where they auction livestock. Ogen’s date walked up to one of the pens and asked, “Ogden, why doesn’t this cow have horns?” “Well,” replied Ogden, ” sometimes cows don’t get horns until they are 7 or 8 years old. And sometimes, cows don’t get horns until…

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Healing Power

One Sunday, a preacher was teaching his sermon. It was on “Healing”. At the end of the sermon, he asked the congregation if anyone needed to be healed today. A man came up, and the preacher asked him for his name. “J-J-Jon,” he replied. The preacher asked him what his problem was. “I…I…I…w-w-w-well…I-I…stu-stu-stu….I…st-stutter…a-a-lot.” “Okay,” the preacher said, “you just go over there behind that screen and we’ll pray for you in just a second.” The preacher turned to the congregation,…

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Growing up too soon?

A guy’s walking down the street and sees Dirty Johnny smoking a cigarette. He says, “Kid, you’re too young to smoke.” Johnny looks up and doesn’t say anything. The guy says, “How old are you?” Johnny says, “Six.” The guy says, “Six? When did you start smoking?” Johnny says, “Right after the first time I got laid.” The guy says, “Right after the first time you got laid? When was that?” Johnny says, “I don’t remember. I was drunk.”

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your mama so…

Your mama?s so nasty that when she goes to a hair salon, she says she needs a trim and opens up her shirt! Your mama’s so nasty she slows down Speed-Stick!! Your mama?s nose so big she makes Pinnochio look like a cat! Your mama?s so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. Your mama?s so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world! Your mama?s so fat she has been declared a natural habitat…

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