Dish Jokes - page 5

Various Life Observations

She found that at her age, going braless pulled all the wrinkles out of her face. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need to go on that trip. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door…

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Read JokeVarious Life Observations

‘I Love You’ in 22 languages

1. English……….. I Love You 2. Spanish………. Te Amo 3. French……….. Je T’aime 4. German………. Ich Liebe Dich 5. Japanese……. Ai Shite Imasu 6. Italian………. Ti Amo 7. Chinese……… Wo Ai Ni 8. Swedish…….. Jag Alskar Dig 9. Eskimo………. Nagligivaget 10. Greek………… S’Agapo 11. Hawaiian……. Aloha Nui Loa 12. Irish…………. Thaim In Grabh Leat 13. Hebrew……… Ani Ohev Otakh 14. Russian…….. Ya Lyublyu Tyebya 15. Albanian……. Une Te Dua 16. Finnish……… Mina Rakkastan Sinua 17. Turkish…….. Seni Seviyorum 18. Hungarian………

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Read Joke‘I Love You’ in 22 languages

Chili Contest

Just recently I was honored to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in my community to be a judge at a chili cookoff because no one else wanted to do it. Also, the original person called in sick at the last minute and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy,…

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Read JokeChili Contest

What took you so long?

A man is tired of having to do everything for himself around his house, so one day he goes down to his local pet shop and asks the owner for a pet that can do chores for him. The pet shop owner offers the man a dog, and the man replies, saying “Dogs are dirty animals, what else do you have?” The owner says “What about a cat?” to which the man replies, “Cats are too lazy” The owner then…

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Read JokeWhat took you so long?

Damned interns!

The nurse was walking down the hospital corridor when her supervisor spotted her. The supervisor couldn’t believe it. The nurse’s hair was unkempt, her dress wrinkled, and to top off her overall dishevelment, one of her breasts was hanging out of the open front of her uniform! “Miss Jennings! How can you account for parading around the hospital not only looking like a derelict, but with your breast exposed?” the supervisor yelled. “Oh that,” said the nurse, as she stuffed…

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Read JokeDamned interns!

letter of recommendation

If you have to write a ‘letter of recommendation’ for a fired employee, here are a few suggested phrases: -For the chronically absent: A man like him is hard to find. It seemed her career was just taking off. -For the office drunk: I feel his real talent is wasted here. We generally found him loaded with work to do. Every hour with him was a happy hour. -For an employee with no ambition: He could not care less about…

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Political Correctness In The Workplace

One morning, the owner of a diner gathers all four of his employees and tells them, “Business has been so bad these days that I am forced to fire one of you.” The black dishwasher is the first to speak up, “Well, I’m the only black around here and you wouldn’t want to get into that.” The pregnant waitress warns, “As the only woman in your employment, I can sue you for sexual discrimination.” Crossing his arms, the old cook…

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Read JokePolitical Correctness In The Workplace

Dad’s Practical Jokes

Parents are embarrassing, Take my dad. Every time a friend comes to stay the night, he does something that makes my face go red. Now don’t get me wrong. He is a terrific dad. I love him but sometimes I think he will never grow up. He loves playing practical jokes. This behavior first started one night when Anna came to sleep over. Unknown to me, dad sneaks into my room and puts Doona, our cat, on the spare bed.…

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It shows you’re thinking

One day a teacher was doing an activity with her students in 3rd grade to figure out if they will think or not. So she goes in the corner and says, “I am holding something orange and round.” A kid then put up his hand and said, “It’s an orange.” “No,” said the teacher, “but it shows that you were thinking.” Then the teacher said, “Now I am holding something red and round.” “It’s an apple,” said a student. “No,”…

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Read JokeIt shows you’re thinking