Dis Jokes - page 11

Federal Offense

A forest ranger is making rounds in a remote part of the wooded reserve when he comes across an unkempt man, sitting at a make-shift campfire, and, to the ranger’s astonishment, eating a fish and a bald eagle. The man is consequently put in jail for the crime. He was soon brought to trial for his crime. The Judge asked the man, “Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?” “Yes, I do, Judge,” replied the…

(2)Loading...

Read JokeFederal Offense

Bus Driver

One day Johnny is riding his tricycle in the house. He pulls up to his brother’s room and says, “Anybody getting on the bus, get the fuck on! Anybody getting off the bus, get the fuck off! And anybody staying on, get to the fucking back!!” His brother looked at him and said, “Don’t let Mom hear you saying that or she’ll be awful mad.” So Johnny wheeled down to his sister’s room and hollered, “Anybody getting on the bus,…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeBus Driver

Surd Special

A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife is hard of hearing. The doctor suggests that he bring her in for an examination, but the man says she won’t come in. Man asks the doctor if there is something he can do. The doctor tells him to go home, and say something to his wife from far away, then keep moving closer until she hears him. When he discovers how close he needs to be for his…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeSurd Special

A Lesson In Observation

A professor teaching medicine is tutoring a class on ‘Observation.’ He then takes out a jar of yellow-colored liquid. “This,” he explains holding up the jar, “is urine. To be a good doctor, you have to be observant to color, smell, sight and taste.” After saying this, the professor dips his finger into the jar and puts it into his mouth. His class watches on, more in disgust than in amazement. But being the diligent students that they are, as…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeA Lesson In Observation

Big Game Hunter

The big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognise any animal’s skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what calibre rifle was used to shoot it. This was a bit too much for the other…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeBig Game Hunter

Lunch Time Excitement

Two Texans were having lunch at their favorite restaurant when they noticed a young woman at the next table having trouble breathing. One of the Texans got up, walked over to her table, took her face in his big Texan hands and said, “Kin ya swaller?” She shook her head ‘no.’ “Kin ya breath?” Again she shakes her head ‘no.’ The Texan grabs her around the waist with one of his big Texan hands, turns her over, pulls up her…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeLunch Time Excitement

physicist vs engineer

A Physicist and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Physicist leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap,so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The Physicist persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun. He explains “I ask you a…

(10)Loading...

Read Jokephysicist vs engineer

The World is Populated by Idiots

1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. 2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head. 3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial…

(6)Loading...

Read JokeThe World is Populated by Idiots

Obsessive-Compulsive Study

A Stanford research group advertised for participants in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 3000 responses about three days after the ad came out. All from the same person!

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeObsessive-Compulsive Study

Little Johnny in science class

Little Johnny sat in the back of his science class one morning. The teacher rarely called upon him during discussions because he always had a remark to make that would disrupt the class. The teacher came into the classroom with an embalmed cat and said they would study anatomy that day. She asked what was holding the cat’s tail onto its body. Little Johnny waved his hand frantically, but the teacher called on someone else who gave the answer “skin.”…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeLittle Johnny in science class