Da two Jokes - page 40

Son of a Beech

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. As the sprout grows into a young sapling, the two trees began to wonder which of them the small tree would take after. Then one day a woodpecker lands in the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The…

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Zoo Language

A man entered the zoo one day. He was walking past the ape cage when a strong wind blew up, stirring a great deal of dust. Some got in the man’s eye, so he reached up and began tugging on his eyelid to remove it. An ape saw this and charged the cage, ripped apart the bars, and proceeded to pummel the man. When the zookeeper finally hauled the ape off, the man asked what that was all about. “Well,”…

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Out of Jail When?

There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail. The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked the man, “Where do you work?” The man said, “Here and there.” The judge then asked, “What do you do for a living?” The man said, “This and that.” The judge then said, “Take him away.” The drunk…

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An Italian Guy’s Story

This is a story of an Italian guy when he visits Toronto. You have to speak in an Italian accent to make this jokes more effective! One daya I go to Toronto and stay in bigga hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast, I tella the waitress I wanna two pissa toast. She bringa me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet, I say you no understand, I wanna two piss…

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Girls vs. skis

Top Ten Reasons Why Skis are Better Than Girls 10. You can choose exactly what you want your skis to look like; short, long, straight, shaped, flat, plus they come in a variety of colors. 9. Your skis won’t talk back to you. 8. You can use your skis any time you want. 7. You can use both of your skis at the same time, and they won’t care. 6. After a day of skiing, one ski won’t turn to…

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Bricklayer’s Poor Planning

This is a bricklayer’s accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers’ Compensation Board. This is this Bricklayer’s report … a true story. Dear Sir; I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put “Poor Planning” as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer…

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College Fun

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity to each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted both to go to the same college but, the girl was accepted to a college on the East Coast, and the guy went to a college on the West Coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and to spend anytime they could together. As time…

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Ain’t So Boring After All

There were two men who had gone to the same college and had become great friends. During college, they had a great time together. They were always right in the middle of anything happening. When they graduated, however, they each went their own separate ways. Two or three years later, they ran into one another on the street. They were very happy to see each other. During the conversation, one of them asked the other what he was doing for…

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Runaway Child

My husband’s job as theater manager puts him in daily contact with mischievous and runaway children. So, during the holiday rush when a boisterous two-year-old sped by us in a crowded department store, his arm reached down and automatically fielded the child. He led the tot back to his mother, who, instead of being grateful, gave my husband a look of utter disgust. “Look, wise guy,” she said, acidly, “did you have to catch him so fast?”

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