Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
ALWAYS GIVE 100% AT WORK: 12% Monday 23% Tuesday 40% Wednesday 20% Thursday 5% Friday ***** As salesman was assigned to secure an important client but failed in his mission. He faxed his secretary and asked her to break the news indirectly to his boss. His note read, “Failed in securing client, prepare the boss.” He received the following fax from his secretary: “The boss is prepared… prepare yourself.” ***** Nobody is sicker than the man who is sick on…
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“BIT” = A wager as in, “I bit you cain’t spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways.” “BYTE” = First word in a kiss-off phrase. “CURSOR” = What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend. “FLOPPY” = When ya’ll can’t get it up no more. “DIGITAL CONTROL” = What yore fingers do on the TV remote. “HARD DRIVE” = Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires while pulling a trailer…
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Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch, and many others. The graveside was piled high in flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who ?never knew how much…
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102 REASONS IT’S GREAT TO BE A GUY. 1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 2. Movie nudity is virtually always female. 3. You know stuff about tanks. 4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase. 5. Monday Nite Football. 6. You don’t have to monitor your friends sex lives. 7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. 8. You can open all your own jars. 9. Old friends don’t give you crap if you’ve lost or gained…
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Two potheads were driving down the road one day smoking a joint and driving in front of them was Lorena Bobbit. Lorena, having dick in hand, throws it out the window and it lands on the pothead’s windshield. One pothead looks at the other and says, “DUDE! Did you see the dick on that bug?”
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One day there were two men playing golf. The first guy was talking to the other guy. He said, “You can’t lose this golf ball, if you hit it in the water it will inflate and come back to you, if you hit it in the sand it rolls out. If you hit it in the woods it will come out.” The second guy said, “Where’d you get it?” The first guy said, “I found it!”
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(Must be read with an Italian accent) One day ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna to piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don’t even know the lady…
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Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had only one golf ball. “Don’t you have at least one other golf ball?” he asked. The other guy replied that he only needed one. “Are you sure?” the friend persisted. “What happens if you lose that ball?” The other guy replied, “This is a very special golf ball. I won’t lose it so I don’t need another one.” “Well,”…
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Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar. He didn?t have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one. ?I sure do,? he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch BIC lighter. ?Wow!? said his friend, ?where did you get that monster?? ?I got it from my genie.? ?You have a genie?? he asked ?Yes, he?s right here in my golf bag.? He opens his golf bag and…
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Once a long time ago, there was a season when neither the Packers nor the Vikings made the post-season playoffs. It seemed so unusual that the management of both teams got together and decided that there should be some sort of competition between the two teams, because of their great on-going rivalry. So they decided on a week-long fishing competition. The team that catches the most fish at the end of the week wins. On a cold, northern Wisconsin lake,…
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