Da two Jokes - page 3

Two outta three ain’t bad!

Bill Clinton and the Pope both die on the same day. Clinton goes to heaven and the Pope goes to hell. Upon their arrivals at their respectful destinations the Pope begins to argue with Satan that there must have been a mistake. After checking the computer the devil comes back and tells the Pope that there was a mistake and that he should get on the UP escalator as soon as a replacement can be found in heaven. Shortly thereafter…

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The 12 Days Of A Cajun Christmas

The 12 Days Of A Cajun Christmas Day 1: Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it las’ night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow in de swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma. Day 2: Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but all I got was two scrawny pigeons. Anyway, I mixed dem with andouille an made some gumbo out of dem. Day 3:…

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Two Drunk Guys in a Loud Bar

There were these two guys in a bar, and after they had gotten drunk and after a few hours of being there, one of them saw a very attractive girl walk in. He asks the other guy, “Why don’t you ask her to dance?” So he went and asked her to dance, and she said, “No, I’m concentrating on matrimony and I’d rather sit than dance.” The guy comes back, depressed, so his fried asked, “What happened, did she say…

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Do you know what day it is?

“I bet you don’t know what day this is”, said the wife to her husband as he made his way out the front door. The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker: “Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?” With that, he turned and rushed to catch the bus for work. At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red…

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Twenty-two

Jack is walking past an insane asylum one day. As he gets closer to the fence, he hears a lot of voices chanting, “Twenty-two! Twenty-two!” This attracts Jacks curiosity, and it just so happened that at just that time, Jack came upon a knothole in the fence. He bent over, and as he peeked inside, a finger reached through the hole from the other side and poked him in the eye. He staggered backwards, and continued walking down the sidewalk.…

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Always Two Jews!!!

A jokester, stifling a laugh, said, “Listen to this: One day Moskowitz and Finkelstein were going to—” At this, Mr. Cohen, who happened to be among the audience, said, “Moskowitz and Finkelstein; Moskowitz and Finkelstein; always two Jews. Why do they have to be Jewish? Can’t you tell the joke with other nationalities involved? Why don’t you make them Chinese for a change? The jokester, sobered and rather embarrassed, said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend. Here’s the joke:…

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Two Old Streakers

There were these two old women, Ethel and Bertha, that lived in a nursing home. There were these two old men, Paul and Bill, that the old women liked, but the men paid them no attention. The women did everything to get their attention. They cooked them their favorite meals, they flirted with them, etc. One day Ethel said to Bertha, “I know something we can do to get their attention!” Bertha replied, “Well, what is it?” Ethel said, “Let’s…

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51 Days

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows.…

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Two obese Patties

A man took a new job as a bus driver and was given a bus with a Sesame Street advertisement on the side. At his first stop he picked up two fat Irish women who’s names both happened to be Pattie. At his next stop he picked up a man named Ross. This man felt highly of himself and insisted that everyone call him Special Ross. At the next stop was a biker who didn’t have a name, but he…

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Four daughters dating

This guy has four daughters who all live at home. One Friday night the doorbell rings. The guy answers it and a kid standing there says “Hi, I’m Freddy. I’m here to pick up Betty. We’re gonna go eat spaghetti. Is she ready?” The man, mildly amused calls down his daughter and the two leave. A few minutes later the doorbell rings again and he answers. A kid standing there says, “Hi, I’m Jim. I’m here to see Kim. We’re…

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Read JokeFour daughters dating