Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
This priest is rusing around the house looking for his white collar before church. While looking in the linen cupboard he finds this shoebox, when he opens it he finds 3 eggs and $100. The next day he asks his wife what it was all about. She replies, “I didn’t want to tell you before because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” The priest starts wondering what it can possibly be that would hurt his feelings, and the wife…
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The Kennebunkport Hillbilly (sung to the tune of ?The Beverly Hillbillies?) Come and listen to my story ’bout a boy named Bush His IQ was zero and his head was up his tush He drank like a fish while he was drivin? all about But that didn’t matter ‘cuz his daddy bailed him out! DUI, that is. Criminal record. Cover-up. Well, the first thing you know little Georgie went to Yale He couldn?t spell his name but they never let…
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Here are some examples of WHY English is the most difficult language to learn: We polish the Polish furniture. He could lead if he would get the lead out. A farm can produce produce. The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse. The soldier decided to desert in the desert. The present is a good time to present the present. At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum. The dove dove…
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Not-So-Secret Male Handbook 1. Practice grunting 5 times a day. While some may find it acceptable to grunt only before the morning coffee, the true male will only answer in monosyllabic form, except for emergencies, i.e.. when some portion of your body is on fire. 2. Never ask for directions. Ever. Even if you find yourself crossing the state line when all you wanted was to go buy some ammo. 3. Never ever show emotion. No exceptions. Including the emergency…
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OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out names and addresses of people you don’t know. WHEN reading a book, try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists. A TEASPOON placed in a glass on the back seat of your car makes a handy audible gauge for road bump severity. BUS DRIVERS: Pretend you’re an airline pilot, by…
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A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster upon arrival walks over to the old rooster and says, ?OK, old man, time to pack your bags and retire.? The old rooster says with conviction, ?You can?t handle all these chickens? Just look at what it did to me!? The young rooster replies, ?Now, it is time for the old to step aside and the young to take over,…
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Q. Should I have a baby after 35? A. No, you’ve done more than your share with 35 children. Q. I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A. With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving? A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant. Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational. A. So what’s your question? Q. When is…
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Now that Barbie is nearing 40, we’ve created new dolls that more realistically reflect her current life-style. 1. Bifocals Barbie: Includes her own set of blended lens fashion frames in 6 wild colors. Includes neck chain and large print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living. 2. Hot Flash Barbie: Press Barbie’s bellybutton and see her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead and upper lip. Complete with tiny tissues. 3. Facial Hair Barbie:…
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Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of that year’s incoming freshmen. Here’s this year’s list: **************************************** 1. The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1980. 2. They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and did not know he had ever been shot. 3. They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.…
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Baby Photographer The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon.” Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning madam. You don’t know me but I’ve come to….” “Oh, no need to explain. I’ve been expecting…
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