Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had broken in to his car. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, steering wheel, break pedal, even the accelerator,” he cried out However, before the police investigation could get under way the phone rang a second time, with the same voice came over the line. “Never mind,” said the drunk with a hiccup, “I got in the backseat by mistake.”
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There were two Indians and a Polish fellow walking in the desert together, when suddenly one of the Indians took off and ran up a hill to the mouth of a cave. Then, he hollered into the cave, “Woo! Woo! Woo! A moment later, the Indian heard a response, “Woo! Woo! Woo!” so he tore off his clothes and ran into the cave. The puzzled Polish fellow asked the other Indian what that was all about, and the Indian replied,…
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I was standing in a long line at the bank the other day, when an employee, noticing my nervousness, came up to me and said, “I apologize for the long wait.” I said, “No problem, my dear, I’ve got more patience than a hospital.”
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(Scene 1) KATE WINSLET: My, this is a fancy boat, isn’t it? KATE’S WEASELLY FIANCE: Yes, it certainly is. Here is the art you asked for. It is by an artist named “Picasso.” I am certain he will amount to nothing. KATE: Ha ha ha. That is very funny to our 90’s audience, because they know these priceless paintings will sink with the boat. LEONARDO DiCAPRIO: Hello, I’m Leonardo DiCaprio. Perhaps you have seen the many Internet sites dedicated to…
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You might be a redneck if: The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table…. in front of her kids. Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night. Jack Daniels makes your list of “Most Admired People.” You think…
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“Have you read today’s headlines in the local paper?” said one friend to another. “No,” was the reply. “They say that a whale was found dead on the beach and that an autopsy was performed. The results were that the giant mammal died of AIDS!” “You’ve got to be kidding!” said the friend. “Do they know how the whale was infected?” “Yes,” was the response, “they say it was rearended by a ferry!”
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A guy goes to a costume shop and says “I’m going to a costume party as Adam and I need a fig leaf.” The girl brings out a fig leaf. He says, “Not big enough.” She brings out a bigger one. He says, “Still not big enough.” She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says, “Still not big enough.” She says, “Listen, Ace, why don’t you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?”
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COMPUTER VIRUSES Woody Allen Virus Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card. Tonya Harding Virus Turns your BAT files into lethal weapons. Paul Revere Virus Warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:\. Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus Instantly turns 1 K of disk space into 1 Meg. Ollie North Virus Plays a patriotic WAV while it shreds your files. Joey Buttafuoco Virus Only attacks minor files. Lorena Bobbit Virus Your hard disc…
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Suppose Edgar Allen Poe Had Used a Computer… Once upon a midnight dreary, Fingers cramped and vision bleary, Systems manuals piled high and Wasted paper on the floor. Longing for the warmth of bed sheets Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets, Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer. Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command, And waited for the disk to store, Only this and nothing more. Deep into the monitor…
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Pilots flying heavy iron are sometimes known for their lighthearted jibes at pilots of smaller aircraft. One day at Toronto’s Pearson International Airport, an A-340 was in line for departure behind a Fokker F-28, an aircraft that has a tail that splits to act as a large speedbrake. The Airbus captain was heard on the radio, making some comment about the “cute little plane” in front of him and boasting about the brand new jumbo he was flying. In response,…
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