Country house Jokes - page 4

Sage Comments from Smart Women

“I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…. and I also know that I’m not blonde.” -Dolly Parton- “You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.” -Erica Jong- “I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that…

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Dividing Nuts

Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts. Along the way, they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts. When they could hold no more nuts, they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery. The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts. The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree…

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The Maid

A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. A likely-looking girl came in from the country, and they hired her. She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat. One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit. “But why?” asked the disappointed wife. She hemmed and hawed and said she didn’t want to say, but the wife was…

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The Grasshopper & The Ant (Updated)

Classic Version – The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he?s a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. Modern Version – the ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and…

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Genie-ous

A couple is golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband says, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don’t knock out any windows – It’ll cost us a fortune to fix.” The wife tees up and promptly shanks it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringes and says, “I told you to watch out for the houses!…

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What Faith!

Two nuns were driving down a country road when they ran out of gas. They walked to a farmhouse, and a farmer gave them some gasoline; but the only container he had was an old bedpan. The nuns were happy to take whatever they were offered and returned to their car. As they were pouring the gasoline from the bedpan into the tank of their car, a minister drove by. He stopped, rolled down his window and said, “Excuse me,…

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